LittleDreamWriter

First Impression: I love the cover, did you make it?

I really enjoyed reading this story, and with some adjustments, you can definitely improve it! Let's start with things I found were great. You have nice characterization of all the characters, and I feel like I know them very well, but I would love to see more descriptions of physical appearance. You also have great imagery, and you describe everything to great detail, especially the gustatory imagery. I really like how the title is symbolic of the French Vanilla coffees that play a major role in the story. This is a really great plot, and I found it really cute, especially the epilogue! 

For some adjustments, you have one sentence that says, "Most of my stuff are already been moved over there I just have..." First, you should replace "are" with "has" to make it more fluid, because "are" doesn't make sense there. Also, I would split the sentence after "over there" and start a new sentence at "I just have..." There are many run on sentences or grammatically incorrect sentences, but those can be fixed with editing. In paragraph two of Chapter 1, it's also kind of awkward to have the sentence "I miss my parents" just sitting there are the end. It doesn't really flow well with the rest of the paragraph. I'm also under the impression that Krysta is very happy all the time, and doesn't seem to miss her parents as much. We only get some insight on how sad she is around the end of the story. Another sentence that I found and needs fixing is "I get down from his trick and rushed to see the inside." You should replace "rushed" with "rush" because it is grammatically correct this way. There are also some spelling errors, but as I said before, a little editing will fix this. I did have a question about Chris's past and his family, since you only seem to give a little bit of insight when writing in his POV. I was a little confused at why he was living with them in the first place, but then you told the reason near the end. I feel that it would flow better if you told us right when Chris moved in, so I wouldn't be so confused about why a random guy would be living with Krysta. Also, is Kyle the same age as Krysta's brother? I'm a little confused about the ages of the characters. I also thought that it was a little over the top and dramatic for Krysta to be bawling her eyes out at the fact that Christ was leaving for only a week. When she got the news, she just broke down crying, and we don't even see her cry over her parents. I just thought that situation was a little awkward. Overall, I really enjoyed this story, and great work on completing it!

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

Payment: art (completed) 

- bluecrayonlady