megankatewhittle

First Impression: hopefully it isn't too scary!

You have a nice, short description that catches the attention of the reader, and lures them in to read it. Also, I like how you have short chapters, and everything progresses fluidly. It's not choppy, and I can understand everything. However, I do think that you should split up the really long paragraphs. For example, in the first chapter, the whole thing is one big paragraph. I would love to see it split up, because reading one big paragraph is kind of tiring. There are some spelling and run on sentences in the first chapter as well. I was definitely not expecting that plot twist at the end! It was so dramatic, and I didn't even see it coming. This is spectacularly written, especially since it is so short. Everything progresses nicely, from the rising action the the climax, and then the falling action. Great work!

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, ignore them :)

If you are feeling nice, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout! If you enjoy making art, I would love for you to make something for one of my stories, and I will post it!

- bluecrayonlady