Thehungergamesrcool

First Impression: cool plot!

Since there are only 3 chapters, there wasn't much action. My main concern is the formatting. Everything is clumped together, and it's really hard to read. I would suggest to separate the dialogue, so each one is on their own line. Also, there are a lot of run on sentences, due to the rambling. You tend to get off point, and this slows the plot down because it becomes boring. Make sure to watch your verb tense as well!

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, ignore them :)

If you are feeling nice, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout! 

- bluecrayonlady