DarkWolf13

First Impression: this plot is amazing

This is a really well written story! I really enjoyed it a lot, especially since the plot is so unique, yet interesting. You have a great start, and you really capture my attention. There's a little bit of humor that had be laughing at some parts, and you also have great descriptions. You have some characterization for each main character, but I hope to see them develop more. Like I said before, I really like this plot, because I rarely find these kinds of romance books written from a guy's perspective. Everything flows nicely, and it's pretty realistic because many people can relate to what Jacob and James feel. In the first few chapters, you have these "time markings," like "Lunch Time." I would suggest to take those away, because you should SHOW us it's lunch time through your writing. Also, if the meetings are at Jacob's house, how come their friends don't realize that James and Jacob are the ones hosting these meetings? 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of these suggestions then ignore them :)

Payment: completed 

- bluecrayonlady