TiaraBooks

First Impression: nice cover!

This is a really cool story and I really like the plot! The main thing I found is that there are a lot of filler chapters, and most of the chapters don't move the story along. They kind of slow down and drag the story, making it flow in a choppy way. I would advise you to just get to the main point when writing, so that the reader doesn't get bored. For example, there are a lot of chapters where Kriston is just describing what happened in her classes. We don't need to know every single minute of her life. Just introduce to us the conflict and what the main plot of this story is. The conflict should be introduced early in the chapter, so we can actually know what the story is about. Even after reading what you have so far, I'm kind of confused on where this story is going to go. A lot of parts confuse me sometimes, and it just feels like there is so much going on all at once that I can't keep track of it. Also, if Kriston is shy and was bullied at her old school, how does she make friends so easily? I feel like her personality and her actions don't match up, and her character as a whole feels a little off. Also, I would love to see more characterization, for you to SHOW us who each character is without using a character review. Your writing should be able to paint a picture of each character that us as the readers can imagine in our head. There are some spelling and grammar issues, but those can be fixed when editing. I really like how you foreshadow future events and drop subtle hints. I absolutely adore the fact that when Kriston blushes, it's blue! And the relationship between Kriston and Rock is just adorable! Great work :)

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

Payment: shoutout of this book and "Under the Mistletoe" (completed) 

- bluecrayonlady