samanthaNwhite

First Impression: It's related to Percy Jackson!

This is a really well written story! I really like how you include Percy Jackson and Annabeth, and can I just say, HOW CUTE ARE THEY!!! Adoni is beautiful; I just had to say that. I'm intrigued from the start, and you manage to capture my attention just from the prologue. You have great descriptions, and I love the plot because I obviously like the books. I also love the switch between the POVs, so I can really see what goes on in Jacob's head and Adoni's head. What I would change is to get rid of the "Time Skips" because they cause the story to be kind of choppy, like we are jumping through time and missing pieces of information. You should be able to tell us the situation and describe it well enough that we don't need the Time Skip to tell us where the setting is. This will help with adding more descriptions and making the story flow nicer. Overall, this is really well written!

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be. If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

If you are feeling nice, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout! If you enjoy making art, I would love for you to make art for one of my stories and I will post it! DM if you have any questions :)

- bluecrayonlady