JustCallMeRen

First Impression: It's great that you are writing this story to raise awareness and help those who are going through tough times. 

You had a concern that the story was too fast paced, and I agree with that. I believe that everything does move a little too fast, and a lot happens in this one chapter. I mean, the main character cuts herself, then all of a sudden she's in the hospital and Jason leaves her. That's a little too much all at once. How long as she been cutting herself? If she's been doing it for a long time, how come her brother only tells her Dad now? Talking about her dad, I don't really understand what he is like, because one second he is portrayed as nice and caring, and all of a sudden he's scary and rude. Also, I think you could convey the emotions of the main character more, and show us how she feels on the inside, and give more background information on her family and what causes her to cut. I would change the part about moving out?! I think that is moving way too fast, because all of a sudden, the idea of Jackson moving out just comes up, and then the main character asks for 1 month to decide, and it's just too much for one chapter. You need to have more descriptions and slow things down, because everything that happened in this chapter can be spread out into 3 or 4 chapters. 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

If you are feeling nice, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout! If you enjoy making art, I would love for you to make something for one of my stories, and I will post it! DM me if you have any questions :)

- bluecrayonlady