angelusanimi27

First Impression: Vampires?!

This story is very well written! You have great vocabulary and great descriptions, but sometimes you should make sure to find the right balance between too much description and too little description. In the first chapter, I thought that everything moved a little too slowly, because there was so much detail. Too much detail can cause a reader to be bored and lose interest in the story. Your chapters after that were better, especially when you included more dialogue. It is sometimes best to have your characters speak, instead of just describing everything. Dialogue can also show us the personality of each character and show the characterization. It's great how you introduce the conflict so dramatically, because I was on the edge of my seat the whole time, in suspense. Also, make sure to watch your verb tense. Great work!

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

If you are feeling nice, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout! If you enjoy art, I would love for you to create art for one of my stories. If you do, I'll post it!

- bluecrayonlady