ooblivioon

First Impression: cool title!

This story is also well written! I like the story line as well. I was totally not expecting the after school program to be that! You have great descriptions of the clothing, setting, and physical descriptions of characters, which is great. I would love to see more characterization. SHOW us who these characters are, and have us connect with them. Also, make sure to watch out for grammar and punctuation, because those made it really hard to read. And again, the dialogue problem. 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

If you are feeling nice, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout! If you enjoy art, I would love for you to make something for one of my stories, and I will post it!

- bluecrayonlady