ooblivioon

First Impression: I really love the cover!

First of all, I just want to gush about how unique and amazing this plot is. It's so well thought out, and I can understand everything. It's like a different way to think about the world! I love how you have great descriptions of everything, allowing me to imagine everything in my head. My favorite was the description of the tree. Also, I love the speeches about color; they were so deep and thoughtful! Moving on, there are some run-on sentences in the first few chapters, but those can be fixed easily along with the spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. There are some mistakes with the formatting of dialogue, so make sure to edit those. For example, "Let's play hide and seek", Reyelle said. The comma should be placed inside the quotation marks, to form "Let's play hide and seek," Reyelle said. By the way, if they're seventeen, why are they playing hide and seek? I'm not judging or anything, because I would totally play hide and seek, but it was just a little weird. Also, make sure to watch your verb tense. One question I had was why does Serena's name change sometimes? It gets a little confusing...  I love the relationships between the characters! Great work!

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

If you are feeling nice, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout! If you enjoy making art, I would love if you created something for one of my stories, and I will post it!

- bluecrayonlady