Girl_meets_pen

First Impression: I really like your username! Very creative :)

This is a really cool plot, even though it's cliche. It has the right amount of cliche, which makes it good. Sometimes too much cliche just becomes overwhelming and too cheesy. I also love the humor in the book, especially with what happens when the family has breakfast. I can really tell they are a great family through their actions. One negative is that you have a lot of run on sentences, where you continue writing without any punctuation and it becomes one long sentence that doesn't make sense. Also, there are a lot of spelling errors. One example, you write "Am," but it should be "I'm." I would also like to see more characterization of each major character in your story, and more description of setting. Make it so that the reader can imagine each scene in their own head. Some parts are kind slow, and I'm also not getting the MAJOR conflict? The only small conflict I see is in the beginning, which is when Brody threatens her. There should be major conflict that the main character battles in the story, or else the reader will get bored if you just give a run down of her every day life. Overall, great work! 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

Even though payment is not required, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout!

- bluecrayonlady