gossip_gal11

First Impression: Love the cover!

This is a really well written story! Your ideas are formulated very well, and all your ideas have depth to them. You have a great writing style, and in the beginning, I like the switch between Jake and India's POVs. I also love how Jackson is this mysterious character that shows up occasionally in the book, dropping clues which leads to the reveal. I love your use of cliffhangers, and the plot twists, especially when Jackson gave that speech at the end. It was so unexpected! I was under the impression that India didn't like Luke because he was replacing her real father, but it turns out he is a sneaky bastard. I also thought that Jake and India's relationship was perfect and really cute because it didn't progress too fast and it didn't progress too slowly. I also loved the way you asked her to be his girlfriend. It was so adorable!! It was a little cliche, but you put your own twist on it, and I absolutely love it. I also love the ending, because you leave the reader with a lasting impression and you give us a lesson. This whole story was just amazing. 

One thing I am worried about is that there doesn't really seem to be a major conflict in this story. It just kind of follows India's life and battles the obstacles she faces along the way. This causes some parts of the story to be boring and slow, especially since in everyone's life there are the highs and lows. If you do have a MAJOR conflict, it should be revealed by the third chapter, otherwise readers will get bored and stop reading. I would also love some more character description; physically and personality wise. Shape your characters so we can get to know every side of them. Also, the language seems a little childish some parts for high school teenagers that are about to go to college. I would just change some of the dialogue and interactions they have. Also, some parts of the story are little awkward and choppy, so watch out for those when you go back to edit. Even though Blake is a minor character, I would love to have more description and characterization of him. HOW does he compliment Alex in their relationship, and vice versa? One thing I noticed is that you tend to end your chapters with India going to sleep, which I found kind of funny. It's pretty cool to leave it like that, or you can change it. The last thing is that I found it quite unrealistic for Blake and Alex to be marrying at 18? What about college and everything after that? If you do keep it that way, it would be pretty cool to have India plan their wedding! There are some run on sentences, grammar, and verb tense issues, but those can be fixed when editing. Otherwise, congratulations on completing the story!

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so you should write it the way you want it to be. If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

Payment: Shoutout (agreed: through DM) 

- bluecrayonlady