Aoaoaoaoao111

First Impression: Cool story! 

This is a really cool story! I really like the idea of it. However, I think that you should clearly state the major conflict somewhere during the first three chapters. Usually, if the reader doesn't know what the conflict is by the 3rd chapter, they will get bored and stop reading. You have great descriptions of the house, and I can really imagine all the snow piling up and the freezing cold air. I would like to see more descriptions of the characters. SHOW us who they are through their actions, and show us their personalities, and make us be able to relate to them. You already have great descriptions as of now, because I can tell that Sally is more tense and rigid due to the fact that she has to take care of Page at an early age, and the Grandpa is humorous, but I would like to know more about the character of Page. Also, make sure to watch your spelling and verb tense! 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

If you're feeling nice, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout, even though it's not required! 

- bluecrayonlady