TheNightPhantom

First Impression: loving the cover!

This is really well-written! There's a lot of action throughout the story, especially in the beginning. I love how you start in the middle of a tense and urgent scene to capture the attention of the audience. You have great sentence structure, and a great range of vocabulary to help enhance the imagery. The imagery is perfect, not too much, not too little. I feel like I can be there in each situation and I can imagine every scene in my head. I loved the ending for Act One! It was so mysterious. One thing I find unrealistic is that the "goons" keep missing the Night Phantom. Even if they had no experience with shooting, wouldn't they have at least hit him at one point? You also have great characterization. I can tell that the Night Phantom is mysterious, eerie and stealthy.  I also like how you switch point of views, so it really shows that the Night Phantom and Hanoi are two different people. This really contrasts with when you bring up the idea that Hanoi is the Night Phantom, which brings a lot of shock. The actual transition to bring up the idea that Hanoi is the Night Phantom is kind of choppy, sudden, and abrupt, which brings a lot of confusion. I think that if you smooth out the transition, it would flow nicer and it wouldn't be so much of a shock. Also, I like how there's the idea that Hanoi might not be the Night Phantom. There's just a lot of mystery and curiosity everywhere, which makes the story exciting. I also really like the humor in it! 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

- bluecrayonlady