80sweirdo

First Impression: Nice cover :P 

I really like the plot of this story. It's very unique and different from other stories I've ever read. First thing, I feel that you need more character description of Charlee and Sean. SHOW us who they are; they're personalities, and make us feel that we can connect and relate to them. Who are they as a person? Their good qualities and bad qualities? Their insecurities? I also want to see more setting description and more imagery. The reader should be able to imagine each scene in their head, and feel as if they are able to be there themselves. Your chapters are also pretty short, which shows that you could use more description. Short chapters don't flow as nicely. Also, you should give us some background on Sean, so we know who he is. I know that Charlee's father has died, and her mother was killed in the past, but who does she live with now? What are her living conditions like? Some parts of the story I feel progress too fast. For example, the story begins with Charlee mourning over her father's death, and over a few chapters, she's situated herself in a life with Sean. I would say slow everything down a little bit, to give time for character development and more description. There are some run on sentences, grammar, and spelling issues, so those should be fixed in editing. Also, make sure to watch your verb tense when speaking of the same situation. Great job!

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then feel free to ignore them :)

If you are feeling nice, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout! 

- bluecrayonlady