god_bless_america

First Impression: like the colors on the cover!

There's not much I can say about your story, since it only has one part. Based on what I read, you have a great introduction and it's short and sweet. I don't know if it is intentional, but you seem to not capitalize the first letters of your sentence. I also don't know where the story is headed, especially since you don't give much information in the summary. Granted, you are only on the first chapter, but I would have liked to see more information given in the summary. 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :) 

- bluecrayonlady