@michysushi09

First Impression: Love the cover! His jawline though ^_^

First of all, let me just say this: I love the story line of this!! I'm definitely one who will read those undercover high school stories! Your beginning was very nice and it was nice that you described the situation and gave a little background information. One suggestion that I have is during the scene with her father, I would add in another important memory she has of her father or something like that to show her connection to him and how close they were. Maybe something that shows their bond. It will definitely make his death more tragic, especially if the memory of him and the story he told will play an important part in future parts of the story. Also, there are some run-on sentences, but those are an easy fix. I really like how you give a lot of description so I can imagine what is going on in my head, but I would love if there was more character description, especially of Candide since she is our main character. For example, maybe a brief description of her personality, or her physical appearance, or even her age! I didn't catch any spelling mistakes, but one major issue would be verb tense! Some parts you write in present, but then you switch to past tense. I'm not sure if you intend for it to be that way, but I've been taught to stay in one tense throughout. Overall, I really like this plot and you should definitely continue updating and finish this story! 

Remember that all these suggestions are just my opinion. This is your story, so write it the way you want! It's your choice whether you want to take my suggestions or not :) 

- bluecrayonlady