pfrancy23

First Impression: seems pretty cool!

I love the idea of this story! It's really cool, especially with the time travelling. However, I'm confused with the whole time travel part. How can her grandma be her sister?? Most of the story is very confusing to me, because I just jump around from one time period to the other. A story can be short, but it needs to be developed well. Which makes a short story very hard to write, because you need to get to the climax quickly, but you can't rush it. For me, this story was rushed, because one second we got the letter, next thing we know, we're back in time and she only has one hour there before she comes back. There's no character development, no insight on the backstory or anything. This leaves the reader very confused. You have some great details, but I would love to see more imagery, so the reader can really imagine everything in their head. Great work! 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

- bluecrayonlady