girl-in-white

First Impression: Love the cover! 

So, I like the plot even though it's cliche. I wish I could just coincidentally meet a superstar! You have great descriptions, which lets me really imagine everything. However, I think you could use more character description. SHOW us who they are, their personalities. You should create some depth to each character so they aren't just one dimensional. Also, I noticed that it was kind of awkward how Skyler just casually mentioned the fact that her father is dead in the beginning paragraph. She seemed so nonchalant and carefree about the idea of it. Maybe you could change the phrasing so that it sounds like she actually feels pain from the death. Some parts of the story don't flow as nicely, which results in confusion for me, and sometimes awkward phrasing and jumps. One suggestion would be to work on having smooth transitions, so the reader can catch on and follow along. Also, make sure to watch your verb tense, because you sometimes switch from past to present when you are talking about the same situation. It's best to stay consistent. There are also some grammar issues, but those can be fixed when editing! Great work!

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

- bluecrayonlady