TheNightPhantom

First Impression: I'm so scared... 

This is an amazing story! Your writing style is very nice, and everything flows nicely. I also love the fact that you wrote a horror story, even though I was scared the whole time. You have great details and imagery, which really adds to the mysterious and horrific mood of the whole book. It's also great how you slowly gives us clues to the mystery, so you keep the reader on the edge of their seat. I also love how you have a lot of suspense and cliffhangers. Now, you voiced your concern about how the reads plummet? Well, my first hypothesis is that many people don't read horror stories, because they get scared. I was thinking that maybe the reads become less because people get scared? And then they give up reading, because of how horrifying it is. I also noticed that up until Chapter 7, most of the events are repeating, and we just see Trick, Alice, and Coryn getting scared by the demons. I'm thinking that gets a little boring afterwards, even though there is so much horror involved. Also, I'm a bit confused, because I don't know how the demons work. It would be nice to have some background information. I would also love to have more information about the characters' past, so we get to know them more and connect with them deeper. Overall, great work! I'm glad you completed it! 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want to! If you don't agree with any of these suggestions, then ignore them :)

- bluecrayonlady