MuahahahaxD

First Impression: oooh! A story about the military? And the cover is so intense! 

This is great story! I really liked the use of the simile in the beginning. It's also great how you start in the middle of argument. That way, the reader is intrigued and wants to read on. I also love how you have character description, and you show it through Rex and Ron's texts. One thing I noticed was that the conflict doesn't come out until maybe 8 chapters in. In a story, the main conflict or goal the main character is working towards should be known by the first three chapters. One suggestion would be to bring up the conflict earlier. Also, you should tell us the goal of the main character. What is she trying to achieve through her actions? Although you have character descriptions, I think you could use more details about her personality. What makes Rex unique? Why should I continue reading this story about her? The other major thing I found was that the relationship between Rex and Ron moves really fast. Like, all of a sudden, they are friends and they just met. Then after a couple days, they are already dating? And in love? I find this unrealistic, especially for two people who met online. I would suggest making it "like" and not "love." Or you could just change it so that they become great friends, and maybe meet each other in the future. Also, make sure to watch your verb tense. Try to stay in one tense throughout. Naturally, there are spelling errors, but those can be fixed easily when editing. Great work!

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be. If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :) 

- bluecrayonlady