pepsi_panda

First Impression: amazing cover and intriguing summary!

I really like how the summary captivates the audience and leaves the reader interested to know more about your story. It's a great shot little description that "hooks" the reader in. I love your descriptions of landscape, characters, basically everything in the story. I love how you have great imagery and vocabulary that really sets up a whimsical mood, especially in the beginning. You also have great characterization, because I can really see what kind of person Miranda is, through her way of thinking, and each character in your story has very distinct personalities. They compliment and contrast each other in great ways. I also like the foreshadowing and the slow unraveling of the plot to reveal the mystery. That being said, I do believe that it takes too long for the mystery of the music box to be solved. It look about three chapters of just description of Miranda debating whether to open it or not, and that can get a little repetitive. I suggest having Miranda opening the box sooner so the readers don't stay in suspense for so long. In other words, I would suggest moving the beginning faster, so the story progresses. I also think that the conflict should be revealed in the first 5 chapters, so the reader doesn't get bored. At this point, I know that Miranda's plan is to clear her family name, so I would reveal the conflict earlier and have the majority of the story be about Miranda's plan, and in the future, maybe her fighting, etc. I was also kind of surprised that Miranda didn't know Gale's name, just because of the point of view you write in, so that was a little abrupt and choppy. Also, the introduction of Enn was all of a sudden, and I got really confused, especially since it just comes out of no where. I do know that there is some background to Sable's story, but it doesn't really relate to what was going on in the previous chapter. I do like the switch of points of views, because it does give insight to all the different characters, and you definitely have a lot of imagination and creativity! 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

Payment: shoutout (completed) 

- bluecrayonlady