crazyladysubu

First Impression: Love the cover! It's beautiful <3 

This is an amazing story. I love the plot line, especially with all the mystery and suspense behind it. In the beginning of the book, it's great how you start in the middle of a situation, because this leaves the reader with lots of questions that they want answers to. It intrigues the readers, and they want to read on. You have a great writing style, and mostly everything flows nicely. There were some parts that were a little choppy, which caused me to be confused. I also found some transitions that happened to quickly, and I had to re-read the passage to understand what happened. Also, it's great that you tell us the conflict in Chapter 2, so the reader knows what the main character is going to have to overcome. You could use more details and descriptions of each character. One suggestion would be to describe Zendaya more, since she is the main character. SHOW us what kind of person she is through her actions and thoughts. You can do this through lots of details. During the middle of the story, there were some chapters that didn't progress. They were kind of slow, which could cause the reader to lose interest quickly. Finally, near the end of the book, I found that the shooting was unrealistic, because if people started shooting at each other, the police would have been informed as soon as possible. Even if the police didn't come, wouldn't the neighbors here the gunshots? There are also some grammar and structural issues, but those can be fixed with some editing. Great job on this story, and I can't wait to see how it finishes! 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :) 

- bluecrayonlady