Author: Berrylove91
Genre: Romance/ Chicklit

What I liked:

When talking to Austin, you have Olivia give a description of appearance without straight up just listing her attire. You do this while simultaneously looking into her thoughts about Austin I think it's a succinct way of going about the two.

The shower scene where Olivia says she washes way her "sin" was very mysterious. It's clear that Olivia has done something wrong in a sense, but we don't know what yet. I also loved the way you wrote about the thunder above the sign at Mickey's club, it definitely created a sense of foreboding.

Olivia is a likeable character so far, though I can't say much for the other people she has encountered so far. It's clear that there's a multitude of things that form her personality, though we don't know much of what that is yet.

You do a decent job of presenting her as aloof, however, there are times where I feel she behaves immaturely. Mainly, the scene she kicks Luke in the crotch. I understand her reaction but in the workplace, as an adult that wouldn't happen, especially in the kind of prestigious company she works for. Also, Luke constantly sexually harassing his female co-workers and none of them saying anything to a higher-up is a bit strange to me.

Her relationship with her brother is cute, even with the underlying tenseness between the pair. I'm curious as to what it was exactly that he did.

What I didn't like:

The first chapter was very vague to me. I didn't understand much of what was going on except there it Independence Day and Olivia had avoided meeting up for a group project.

Aside from you saying there was a traffic jam, you don't indicate much as to whether it was busy or not. Were there a lot of people? People heading home, or even carnival-goers still partying? I think maybe you could subtly add an aura to Olivia's surroundings so it can be easier to get a sense of where she is and how this might impact her.

You switch tenses quite a bit throughout and it's a little off-putting. Right in the first chapter, you said "today" and then proceeded to say "looking back at it". I'm confused whether it's set in the past or present tense, whether things are happening at the time, or whether Olivia is reflecting.

In the season chapter, you info-dumped the description of where Olivia lives. To be honest, I think the whole paragraph could be reduced to about a sentence or two because it's not really relevant to the plot. In Chapter 7, that whole paragraph about how Olivia is going to go about her doing laundry should go.

Overall:
I think you need to go over and do some editing of all of the chapters, ensuring punctuation and the way speech is formatted is done correctly. A lot of things that aren't necessary to the plot should also be omitted to make this less of a chore to read.

It wasn't a bad read, I just feel like you took a long time to build up the story and the pacing felt way too slow for me.

I gotta say though, Olivia is very lucky with men lol

I'll give this a 5/10, there's much to be improved.