Author: aj181890

Genre: short story/romance

What I liked:

I guess if you're not paying attention you wouldn't guess she was invisible right from the start. But you made it way too obvious (to me) that AJ is invisible from the outset. You could've made it a lot more mysterious, so we didn't know for a while that she was invisible.

The little bit of tension when they meet after Edward finds out she's dead, which is a change from the normal, flat tone. The treaty was something that had potential and I was looking forward to finding out what it was.

At least there's a sense of continuity with the parents who remain a-holes in life and death.

What I didn't like:

The writing was bland, like in a child's book. It was very telly. "I did this because..." "she looked like this" "I said... They replied."

Things were in speech marks that shouldn't have been in speech marks, like sometimes when you're describing things. I got lost so much because of this. There was also weird capitalisation- things that didn't need to be capitalised were and some sentences were phrased strangely.

By Chapter 2, Edward and AJ are dating which I think is way too soon. You barely dive in to the personalities of the main characters or their friends.

The revelation of how she died? Bland and unoriginal. The lack of suspense leading up to how they died, as well as the lack of emotion made me feel absolutely nothing at all.

And the treaty was so bland, the was nothing original about it at all. It really could've been so much better than that.

Overall:

I was left underwhelmed with everything. I should've felt happy for them at the end, but again, I felt nothing. I'll give this a 5/10