"Mikasa!" Hitch said playfully while she tugged at my arm. " I wanna go get some chocolate!"

Chocolate...dark, melting.

Chocolate, dark, bloody.

Blood, chocolate, the heavy stench of iron.

A lost child's cry.

Distant shouting.

Red and blue. Sirens wailing.

Hitch's dead body.

"Oof-ugh." I mumbled in my drunken state. These hallucinations are just so ugly, I want to get out of this but my eyes continued to play tricks on me.

My head was too heavy to lift, my limbs feel like jelly. I breathed deeply again and again until I sounded like a hyperventilating dinosaur. I swallowed back the sick that I felt in my mouth but since I was too grossed out by it, I spat all the vomit on myself. I groaned and rolled away from the table, only to find out that the table was soft. I grunted at the sudden change of place and I felt my fingertips throughout the area, exploring this new place. Turns out, I was on a bed. Whose bed? I don't know. And I don't want to know.

I wanted to sit up and prepare myself for any suspicious activity but my body was heavily intoxicated with the alcohol. Sweat poured as I imagined what could happen to me.

"Ya awake yet, Mikasa?" Kenny? How's that Kenny's voice? "Ah, c'mon. You bring shame to the Ackermans. We don't get drunk that easily. It'll take a whole Pacific Ocean to get us drunk. Not to mention, your covered in your filthy puke."

But aren't I a shame already?

"Kenny...?" I said with a lot effort which made my headache.

"Yes, lass?" Kenny said. "Wanna shower?"

" ...No. "

I heard a glass set down to a wooden table. "Then smell like a shithole."

I know. I am already an asshole.

I tried to sit up but I collapsed back to the bed when my vision became dizzy and spinning.

Kenny coughed and the last thing I heard was the door open and close and I'm alone.

I closed my eyes, hoping sleep will be the remedy of this drunkenness.

Somebody...

My eyes closed and after a brief moment, I opened them but despite the shortness of my rest, I felt much better.

"Oh." Another voice said. It was a man's voice. "This is your little niece, huh, Kenny?"

Kenny replied. "Yup, though she looks nothing like me."

The other voice chuckled. "Hm, yeah." I sat up, bothered at not being able identify who owned the other voice.

I turned and saw Kenny sitting on a couch, holding a glass of wine and as for the other man, he was tall with fair-ish skin and bald. I stared at him, thinking maybe he was Pixis but he isn't. He had crow's feet on both eyes and like Kenny, he was holding a glass that held the type of drink that he desires.

"Hello." He said. "I'm Keith Shardis and I was your substitute teacher once back when you were high school."

Oh, Mr. Keith.

He spoke to me in a well-mannered way and it made me question how many gallons of holy water mixed with soap  did he drank since he was always cursing the students' ears off, as I remembered.

But...

Of all seven billion people in the world, why him? Why Mr. Keith?

I felt like vomiting again when I sniffed, taking a breathtaking whiff of the horrid scent of alcohol and dried vomit that stuck to my clothes. In the corner of my eye, I saw Kenny's lips twist into a smirk. Then, he stood and took me in his arms, lifting me along with the soiled sheets.

"Kenny? What is this?" I slurred a question. "What're you doing?"

He was taking me somewhere. Somewhere...

I heard sounds of running water.

He opened a door and then dropped me in a cold, watery place.

"KENNY!!!" I shrieked as I waded in the tub. "GET ME OUT OF HERE THIS INSTANT! "

Kenny adjusted his hat. "Yeah, I will. After you take a bath, you vomit-covered douche."

I shook in the cold, embracing myself. "Ugh."

But since I had no choice, I took a bath though I was shivering. It was like I was in hell except hell right now is the opposite of the actual hell.

It's a hell of coldness.

I threw my clothes in the trash bin(it was Kenny's instruction and thankfully, I didn't puke on my scarf hoho) and then wrapped my shivering body with a fluffy, white towel.

When I opened the door, Kenny was there, standing and fumbling with his hat. He held a bunch of clothes and dumped it on my head. The clothes slid down to the bathroom floor via my wet, black hair. I blinked.

"What the fuck was that?" I said, raising my a bit of my voice.

"Clothes." He coughed in his fist. "And I hate how Levi act so heroic and all that crap to you. It's like he's making me look like the bad guy when I'm not."  And he left.

"Wow, Kenny. Such hospitality." I grumbled as I slammed the bathroom door shut. I picked the clothes that scattered on the floor. I looked at my clothes. There was a clean pair of underwear which is a size bigger than I am, an oversized orange shirt which would probably reach just above my knees and a pair of grey cargo pants. "What is this?"

I ranted as I put on the said clothes but I felt a little better when I put on my scarf. Geez, Kenny's so...shabby at picking clothes. I'm not a fashionista but I can match my clothes just right. I cringed as I saw myself in the mirror, I was just shabby. What would Hitch think of me?

What would Hitch think of me?

My tears started to fall as I thought so. What would Hitch think of me? Hitch? She would probably think that I'm...I'm...

Silly me. How could Hitch think when she's dead?

I wiped my eyes and inhaled sharply. I shouldn't think about such things, I must avenge Hitch first. But first, I have to deal with Kenny. I opened the door and walked out and proceeded to the bedroom. The hotel room Kenny checked into was pretty fancy. I stopped walking as I saw someone so familiar laughing along with Mr. Keith and Uncle Kenny. It was my psychologist. It was Dr. Pixis.

"Oh." He said when he saw me. "Mikasa."

He set down his glass filled with liquor. He had a worried look in his face for a few seconds but he managed to take it away in just a very brief period of time. I wonder why he's worried. Is he worried about me? I shouldn't think such things. I shouldn't assume. He's just my doctor from before and things end there.

"You're...here." I scratched my head awkwardly.

He nodded. "Yes, I am. Kenny called me here to give you a private therapy session."

A private therapy session? Lol, why? I'm totally fine! I'm very fine. Am I? I'm not okay. Historia framed my ass for Hitch's murder and I'm pretty sure the police are looking for my booti-ful ass so they could throw it to jail.

I just stood there in hesitation with my shabbiness. 

Am I fine? AM I? WHY WOULD I BE FINE WHEN HITCH JUST DIED? HITCH! HITCH!!!

I began to falter at the burden I have. The thoughts in my mind didn't only poison me but it's weighing my whole mental well-being. I'm going down, down, down, down, down, down, down. I'm drowning, drowning, drowning, drowning, drowning, drowning, drowning. I'm tired, tired, tired, tired. I'm buried in my regrets and tears. My regrets and tears. Regrets and tears. 

Somebody please, save me, save me, save me, save me, save me, save me, save me, save me, save me, save me, save me, save me, save me. 

Hitch...

Mom...

Dad...

Help.

I covered my trembling lip as my tears began to fall.

Not this again. I'm so tired of trying and crying.

"Mikasa?" Doctor Pixis asked with concern. "Just tell me how you're feeling. I'll help you."

As if you will. No one can help me. No one!

I gulped and wiped my tears and slipped my still-beaten fingers to my pockets. "I'm sorry but I gotta get a whiff of fresh air since my puke smelled so disgusting."

You liar.

I walked away. Thankfully, they seemed to buy my sorry excuse since they didn't ask me anything more when I walked away. I opened the door and got out and broke down sobbing the moment the door clicked shut. 

Pathetic. 

Shut up! SHUT UP!!!

Worthless.

I hiccuped as I wrapped my scarf around me. I looked at it, remembering that this beloved thing of mine used to almost kill me. This Red String might the only thing that can end this. Realizing that crying my eyes out near the door might attract their attention, I stood up and walked away. The halls felt lonely as me and the lights, even if they were bright, seemed to be gloomy. Everything was gloomy, cold, and cruel. Happiness is just an illusion that drives people insane when it's passed. Joy is a lie and misery is the cruel and poisonous reality. 

I took the elevator to go down. I stared at my fingers. They were as disgusting as me. Torn, bloody and healing. Well, at least they're healing unlike me, I get injured but I never heal. No scars appeared since everything there is a fresh wound. I'm full of burns, cuts, bullet holes, and bruises. I'm beyond help or that's what I think. 

Soon enough, I'll be behind bars.

The elevator dinged open and I got out. I was on the second floor wherein the bar is located. I don't really have any money so I guess I'll get it all charged on Kenny. 

I sighed deeply and sniffed when I noticed that my nose was heavily congested. This sucks. 

I told the bartender. "I'd want a tequila."

The bartender shook his head and sighed. "No can do. You got drunk yesterday after a few swigs of some toxic alcohol."

I clutched my scarf. "Just give it to me!"

"No means no." He replied firmly.

I grabbed his collar. "Serve me one tequila!"

He stared back at me with a strong gaze. I growled, baring my teeth at him but he didn't even flinch. Bitch, falter. I used Crest! Tremble before the shining teeth of mine!!!

I kept gripping his collar for minutes.

"Moblit." A man's voice said. "Just give Mikasa what she wants. I'll pay for it."

"Okay." The bartender, Moblit said.

I let go of him and turned to the direction where the voice came from. "Doctor." I said.

"Hello, Mikasa." Pixis said. "You won't mind if I'll drink with you?"

"Not at all." I said and then cracked a smile. "It doesn't bother me at all as long as you pay for it."

He let out a good-hearted laugh. "I never thought you were the one to joke, Mikasa. It's nice to hear you tell a joke since you were always the gloomy type."

"It's not a joke."

"Well, it is, for me." He said, smiling to me.

"Here," Moblit said, pushing a glass of tequila to me. "Your order."

I grabbed the glass. "Thanks." And I chugged it down. I flinched at the strong flavor as Pixis ordered some wine.

"So," Pixis started. "You're addicted to gambling?"

I set down my glass and glanced down on my beaten fingers. "Yeah. It cost me priceless prices though."

"Maybe you should hear me out." He sipped from his wine glass and I nodded as a reply. He smiled wistfully. "You see, the reason why I become a psychologist is because I don't want other people to end up like me."

"Yeah so?" I said with disinterest which made me feel guilty afterwards.

"Well," He continued, slightly fidgeting with his fingers. "I was addicted to alcohol and due to my drunkenness, it cost me lots. It cost me the life of my beloved daughter. I became reckless and irritable..."

I couldn't hear what he said next but I saw his lips move.

Life of his own daughter? Sad but I don't care. It was your fault, Doctor.

I'm too occupied in listening to your life story.

I blinked, his voice muffled and unheard to me but then suddenly, it was as if the hands covering my ears.

"...I became a psychologist just to prevent more miseries worse than mine. I figured that my actions are the ones that ruined me so instead of giving up, I took the matter to my hands and tried to correct my self but seems like I can't let go of my old habits." He turned me with pleading eyes and covered by battered hands with his calloused ones. "Please, don't be like me."

Please, don't be like me.

Why would I be like when I'm not you? Get your facts straight, sir.

I pulled my hands away. "So..."

Why the fuck are you trying to save other people when you can't save yourself? When you couldn't save your own daughter?

That's right.

I slammed my palm on the counter, startling Moblit and Doctor Pixis. "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HELPING OTHERS WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN SAVE OR HELP YOURSELF?" I screamed at the older man. "YOU SHOULD'VE JUST STAYED PUT AND FIXED YOURSELF BEFORE ANYONE ELSE! STOP BEING SO SELFLESS, IT'S MAKING ME SICK! HECK, MAYBE THINGS WERE SO BAD FOR YOU, I SUGGEST TO YOU THAT YOU SHOULD JUST KILL YOURSELF!" I took a ragged breath, glaring at him.

His eyes were painted with shock and sadness. "Mikasa-" He began slowly but I cut him off, yelling more insults from the top of my lungs.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!!" I yelled and stomped my foot. "WORDS FROM YOUR SHITTY MOUTH DOESN'T MATTER TO ME! YOU'RE THE SAME AS ME! A MURDERER! A CRIMINAL! A DEVIL! AND BESIDES, NO ONE CAN SAVE ME ANYMORE. HEAR THAT? NO ONE! "

I turned away and walked angrily.

"She's such a bitch." I heard Moblit say.

Hell, yeah. I am a bitch!

I stormed out of the hotel, breathing heavily. I began punching the buttons o the elevator and screamed like a T-rex having tantrum and I was flustered and shut up immediately when someone entered, eyeing me in surprise. It was still day and the sun is such a bitch to shine on my face. FUCK YOU, SUN! GET AWAY ALREADY!

I cursed when I remembered I look like a potato sack with the clothes Kenny gave me but what other choice do I have? I'd rather have a potato sack for clothes than walking around town naked.

I should just go home. I need to get back to Annie. And Martha too.

But what would Annie think of me? News probably spread about Hitch's death, if that's the case, I should go home quick.

I ran quickly to home.

Oooooffff

Your author is harmed by his own work ooff