the door opened.

quickly, mark turned around. he let out a gasp once he saw who was there. he dropped the phone in his hand.

"mark? what a pleasant surprise to see you here!"

it wasn't pleasant. not in the slightest.

he frowned, noticing how mark hadn't moved nor responded. he started to walk forward, but mark tried his best to avoid him, so he walked backwards once more.

"mark, what's wrong?"

"w-why are you here?"

the man laughed.

"i spent ages explaining to the cops what happened and you ask me why i'm here? mark, i live here. remember, i bought this with-"

"yes, i was there,"

he said through gritted teeth.

"look, fuck off."

"why?" he teased. "don't be so rude,"

"yuta, you made my best friend commit suicide, i think i have a right to be pissed off, don't i?"

"Yeah, fair enough, but you didn't have to report me to the fucking police! what the fuck are they going to do? i can answer that for you - they did nothing. they asked me a few questions, did a finger print test, then let me go! your plan failed, mark."

mark sighed. he knew that.

"b-but why? why did you even date s-s-sicheng in the first place?" even as much as saying his name was a challenge and hurt mark's heart. he missed him so, so much.

yuta shrugged in response. "i guessed i loved him back."

mark paused for a second. "so, if you once loved him, why did you stop?"

yuta didn't respond.

_______________________

his heart felt heavy.

his legs felt weak, they were like jelly.

he was shaking so much.

his breath was uneven.

so, while everyone was crying, he was concentrating on his breathing.

"mark, is there anything you want to say? a story to have to tell us about him?"

no.

no.

no.

not now.

not me.

i can't do this.

he was about to shake his head until a voice from the back stopped him in his tracks.

"he didn't care about sicheng enough!"

wait.

isn't that...

yuta's voice?

in one swift motion, mark stood up and pointed his finger at yuta, everyone's eye-line following this dispute. "you're one to speak! you drove him to suicide, for fuck sake!"

everyone sat there, in silence after mark's bold statement as they all faced the front with their mouths hung open in shock.

with his legs still shaking, mark made his way up to the front.

he paused, making sure his breath was normal before speaking.

"i loved sicheng. more than anyone in this room,"

"i was dating him, you prick!" yuta's vile voice called from the back.

mark rolled his eyes. "you didn't make it seem like that. anyway, sicheng and i were so close, i can't even explain. we became friends when we were 3, until he moved when he was about 8 so his brother could be in another school since ours didn't have enough room. thankfully, our parents were kind enough to let us go over to the other's house every monday. this happened until we were 11, when we went to the same high school. we remained friends all this time, and we would've still been friends now if yuta wasn't such a bitch. anyway, i hope sicheng rests easy w-wherever he may be."

yuta yawned loudly, making sure to fan his mouth to make sure he could disturb what was going on.

mark rolled his eyes.

"c-can you not be so rude?" he asked, voice breaking. "please, leave."

"mark..." haechan's small voice whispered, even though he knew full well, mark wouldn't be able to hear him.

mark glanced around and gasped once he saw haechan's face as he broke into a large smile.

haechan shook his head and mouthed 'stop it'.

mark, feeling confused, shrugged his shoulders.

"no," yuta put his feet up on the chair in-front of him, "this is my boyfriend's funeral. you're the rude one, for making me leave."

the woman next to him leaned over, "sir, you're being awfully rude, i'd appreciate it if you let us mourn sicheng's death if that's okay with you. i'm sorry if i'm coming off as rude, but you sound like...you didn't care about sicheng. i'm sorry if that's a bit of a bland statement."

mark's eyes enlarged. "you couldn't be closer to the truth."

yuta stood up, "shut up, you fucking fag." and left everyone in hysteria.

"h-" the same woman from before stuttered. "he can't say that, can he? that's such a derogatory word. and - didn't he say he was dating sicheng anyway? so that would've made him gay. so...he's contradicting himself?"

the woman next to her sighed. "he wasn't gay, love. he's pretending to love sicheng. he probably never did. yuta's a fucking bastard. don't bother with his shit."

she gasped, but left it.

most things are probably better if you leave them, in the end.

_______________________

mark sighs, watching as jisung and chenle write something for sicheng. he wants to run away and cry somewhere, but he knows there's no use. if he cries, he's let everyone down. he promised, awhile go, that he wouldn't cry over the whole situation. it wasn't that he was being insensitive, oh no, he wanted to seem strong for sicheng. plus, if he did cry, he'd be letting yuta win, which nobody wanted.

with a long sigh, he gradually gets up from where he's sitting before he joins the others in the other room. doyoung is the first to speak up, as he asks what's wrong and why he looks so down.

"i-i have to go down to sicheng's tombstone later, i've to g-give him a letter that jisung and chenle wrote before."

everyone lowers their head in shame and spite of yuta. taeil shakes his head, "you're not going alone. someone's going with you."

"no," mark shakes his head, insisting that he go alone. "sicheng is - was - so important to me. i can't go with someone. we've been friends our whole lives, i have to say goodbye to him personally."

"but you're going with the kids-"

"i have to. going with one of you is a choice. a choice i'm not going to take. i'll be back in a few hours. see you guys later."

he closes the door.

____________________________

once they arrive, jisung and chenle run over to where he was buried, as directed by mark. mark, however, trails behind them as memories of the two cloud his mind. he hears the kids yell for him to follow them to say something to sicheng, and he doesn't have the energy to argue, and so he follows them and crouches down.

he rests his cold, weak hand atop his tombstone and with his other hand, he traces over what's written down, feeling every word.

he thinks it's weird, he knows it is, but he knows that as soon as he leaves the graveyard, he'll be leaving sicheng behind. and he doesn't want to say goodbye just yet. he wants to remember sicheng in a way he'll never forget him. he wants to live with sicheng as long as he can.

jisung and chenle say something that mark can't make out, but it's fine. he's living separately from them. the way they see the situation is much different than the way mark sees it. and maybe it's better that way. they won't have to despise yuta for as long as they live. they don't know what sicheng was going through. whether it was emotional or psychical abuse. they have no idea what sicheng was going through once yuta got bored of being nice. as soon as they opened the door to their own house, yuta was a completely different person. but they don't know that. and they don't need to.

mark lays the last red rose, placing it to face the headstone. he blinks away a tear - still keeping his promise to never cry. he doesn't want to give in to yuta's games. he's had enough of yuta winning. the last game yuta played, he won, and sicheng lost. he doesn't want to have a repeat of that with anyone if it can be avoided.

jisung looks over at mark and looks distressed. "mark? what's wrong?" mark looks up at him, not really wanting to explain everything. either because it's too late, or he can't find the right words. either way, he shrugs it off and answers with a long shrug. chenle looks over at jisung.

"don't ask him," chenle tells him, and mark nods, and so does jisung. for the most part, he seems to understand. for what some people mistake as an eight-year-old, he can be quite smart, despite being very, very young.

"y-yeah..." his voice cracks, and even jisung knows that if a person's voice cracks, it means they're extremely upset.

"mark," chenle calls.

"y-yeah?"

"i'm incredibly sorry. is there anything i can do?"

mark pauses. "n-no." he shakes his head. "just make sure, if yuta tries to speak to anyone that lives under this roof, make sure you push him away. even punch him."

"but you told me that violence is never the answer."

mark grins. "no, it's not. and you should never abuse anyone. but yuta...yuta's an asshole. he's done more than that to us. but never do it to anyone else. it's wrong to harm anyone. just don't go too far. you don't even need to punch him. tell him to leave us the fuck alone."

"and if he doesn't?"

mark looks at him, blankly. "call me, or threaten to."

chenle nods, "okay. can jisung and i go back to the car? we'll leave you alone if you need a moment."

"yeah, if you don't mind. i'll toss you the keys - you know what to do, right?"

chenle nods, and drags jisung back to the car and leaves mark alone with his thoughts.

could this have been avoided?

if i found out what sicheng was going through...

...he could still be here with us today.

why would yuta even go that far?

didn't he realise that it was wrong?

did he realise that he was, slowly, breaking sicheng's tolerance level?

did he know that sicheng would do that? did he know he was going too far?

there were so many questions, but nobody to answer. what with sicheng no longer being around, and yuta having moved away. it didn't necessarily mean that yuta wasn't going to be back, though. he could come back at any time, just with the fact that a) he'd be shoved away, and b) everyone in the house, excluding jisung, hated his guts for what he did to sicheng.

mark doubted he'd ever forgive yuta. he didn't want to. he felt as though forgiving yuta would be betraying sicheng. and he certainly didn't want that. he didn't even want to forgive yuta in the first place. he despised him so fucking much.

even though he wasn't ready to let sicheng go, he knew he would have to eventually. as much as he tried to escape the reality that sicheng wasn't alive anymore, and that he was dead, he knew that it wasn't true. he knew he wasn't breathing. he knew that yuta had emotionally abused him to the point where he felt as though the only thing to do was the kill himself. surely, if he's a full-grown adult, wouldn't he know where the cut-off?

basing off what he saw, and what happened to his best friend, he clearly didn't. how could someone be that dense and stupid as to know realise how far they were going? did he not notice sicheng's behavioural differences? and if he did, would that even change anything? probably not.

mark suddenly remember jisung and chenle, who were still in the car. with a long, heavy sigh, he stood up. he took one, long, hard look at the tombstone before walking back to the car, driving off ever so slowly. because as soon as it leaves his view, he'll have to say goodbye to sicheng officially. and by making sure he can see him, he can hold onto the dream that sicheng's not dead just for a while longer. until someone mentions him, anyway.

and it breaks his heart knowing he has to delete sicheng's number off his phone.

"delete 'sicheng<3'?"

yes no
yes no

he put his phone back in his pocket, much like they put sicheng's ashes in the ground. he tears his eyes away from the graveyard, having to live a life where seeing sicheng alive is no longer an option.

"goodnight, sicheng."

__________________

dong sicheng, 1997,
loved by most,
hated by some,
missed by all.
'his relationship was a book of lies,
and yuta was the author.'

_______________

yo yo yo iM SO SAD I'M GENUINELY CRYING I LOVE MY ULTIMATE BIAS SICHENG SO FUCCING MUCH GOLLY GOSH HE'S LOVELY

aLSO, tHE SEQUEL "BOOK OF TRUTHS" iS NOW OUT PLS GIVE IT A LOT OF LOve thNAK YOU