Sigh. My name is YN rose/xiao-long/branwen/schnee/belladonna/whatever, and I'm currently in the basement (which i didn't even know we had until they throw me in here.) After my asshole family beat me to a pulp, broke every bone in my body, and many more unspeakable shit! How I'm a frail 3-foot kid that didn't die from internal bleeding or injuries at all you ask? Well, simple! I'm an edgy young masochist with powerful plot-armor and luck that rivals kirito from SAO.

Anyway, I'm currently in a cage, crying like a little bitch as i hear the door unlocking and my daddy entering with a pissed look on his face.

TAI: YN!!! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU BREAK ALL THE DISHES!?!? DO YOU KNOW HOW ANGRY I AM!?!? LOOK AT MY VERY FIRST PARAGRAPH!!! YOU CAN SEE IT'S IN ALL CAPS!!! EVEN MY NAME IS IN CAPS!!! AND WHY THE HELL AM I SO OUT OF CHARACTER!?!?!?

YN: *little bitch noises*

TAI: SPEAK TO ME YOU LITTLE BITCH!!!

YN: b-b-b-but i--

TAI: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

Then what was the point of me speaking!?

Tai: girls! Get in here!

Then my sisters and mothers, who i will fuck later, come in here with weapons and shit as they all have psychotic grins.

YN: wait, both rwby and yang are like regular 7 year olds, so they can't do any real damage to--

Ruby and yang suddenly scream as if they're transforming into super saiyans before they shown their super duper forms at the same time they're flexing.

Summer: hey I'm alive and stayed because why the fuck not?

Raven: yo, I'm here too for some reason.

Tai: you ready girls?

Ruby and yang: *manly voice* YEAH!!!

Tai: bitchin'! Let's continue to beat an already broken toddler and potentially kill him!

Girls: yeah!

YN: *Joseph joestar voice* OOOOOOHHHHHHHH NNNNNOO--

*KABOOOWAMBA!!!*

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Timeskip
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After being shot, beaten, stabbed, slashed with katanas and scythes, have my bones broken, poked with sharp objects, raped, electrocuted, blasted with guns and such, frozen, set on fire, stabbed some more, burned, had poll go up my ass and out my mouth, and etc. I'm somehow still alive and able to use my bodily functions as if nothing happened even though i should at least be in a full body cast.

You know what? Fuck this family! I've decided that I'll leave now of all times and I'll leave a note even though i clearly hate them! And they definitely don't have a dog that could track my scent through the paper, blood, sweat, and tears scattered around this basement and potentially find me!

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Zwei POV
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*doggo sneeze* who's talking shit about me!? The great zwei!?

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YN POV
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Yeah! Now I'm writing a note about me leaving with this pen I'm using while those bitches are asleep! How i get pen and paper is a story for another time. Now it's time for me to sneak to the front door like a ninja and go into the forest! Which for some reason is our backyard. Now I'm casually walking through the forest until i came across an man.

I couldn't tell what was weirder, the fact that this guy is in the forest in 3 in the morning, or the fact that he has a shovel and is standing next to a patch of dirt with what looked like fingers sticking out. I paid no mind to it and went up to the guy I've never seen before.

Fatman: hey little boy! How 'bout you come with me into my home where nobody will hear you scream as I'm a potential pedo?

YN: yeah! I will accept because i have no concept of stranger danger even with my commen sense!

The man smiled as he grabbed my wrist and ran off to his home with all the little boys! I love my new life.

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3rd POV
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It was morning and the entire family goes to the basement, only to find the mc missing.

Tai: WHERE ARE YOU LITTLE SHIT!?!?!?

Ruby: oh! A note!

Yang picks up the note and presents it to everyone.

Dear "family"
You's a bitch, and I'm gone forever
Signed YN

Then suddenly, the entire family breaks down and cries even though they were willing to beat the hell out of him literally 10 seconds ago. Then suddenly, doggo comes around the corner.

Zwei: y'know, i could track his scent and--

Tai: girls! We need to go and find him even though he clearly doesn't wanna see us!

And so began the unnecessarily overpowered sasuke fanboi. . .

××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
So, how was this? And what other do you want me to simplify?