Genre: Paranormal

Summary: Carter has his whole life laid out. That is, until he realizes he's not what he thinks--a demon hunter.

The secret service of demon hunters are known as Keepers. They can turn invisible and they fight off the demons that roam the earth, planning something evil with special weapons.

When Carter bumps into Holly, she immediately realizes he's the missing demon hunter they need. She takes him to the HQ to train with fighting skills and the special weapons.

Holly gets told that a demon is hunting down the service to kill them so demons can roam the earth and murder the people, so they have the planet to themselves. This is what Carter has been training for.

Carter is instructed for him and other Keepers to track the demon down and finish it off. But the demon is stronger than they think.

And Carter unlocks abilities that not even the Keepers know about, which just may save them all.

+ Cover

I don't think I need to tell you about this. Very sloppily made. It won't attract the readers. I would advise you to try out some other cover.

Rating: 3/10

+ Title

Not bad but not original. Since you have a good theme (Demon Hunters), you can bring forth a wide array of titles.

Rating: 5/10

+ Summary

A bit too long and contains information that really isn't needed in a summary.

Carter Wilde has his life planned out. Go to college, get his degree, get a good job, marry the girl he loves and so on until the say the dies.

But life never goes the way you expect it to and he finds himself entangled with the Keepers- the secret Demon Hunters who rid the Earth of the dangerous creatures that want to take over the world.

Wiping out the Keepers seem to be their primary objective and Carter gets pulled into something he never even imagined existed.

Being a Demon Hunter may sound cool but Carter soon learns that it isn't all fun and games.

Something along these lines. Note that I am only providing an idea. Feel free to use it if you want.

Rating: 6/10

+ Plot

It is quite good. Demon Hunters are always fascinating. Of course, since this is a mainstream plot in some ways there are chances of it becoming boring to read.

You can make it uniquely yours. Which, to be honest, you already are doing so.

Rating: 7.5/10

+ General Review (Characters and Chapters)

So I will start with Carter.

He seems to be a typical college boy-- is that's the picture you want to give. To be honest, I don't know who is he.

You say classes are starting and dorm room so he is a college student. Since you said in the summary that he has his life laid out for him, that gives the idea that he is a person who plans everything or knows what he is going to do next.

In such cases, it would be best to mention what is he doing in college. What classes is he taking and those things.

The pace is very rushed and that takes the fun out of reading the story.

Another thing is the fact that he didn't even question what Holly said. Like a guy comes and tells you nearly the same thing you freak out. But when a hot girl tells you, you immediately follow her? Like what? And the scene when the man comes to ask him is very, very rushed.

Blake opens the door and I see a huge man standing front of it. The first thing that catches my eyes is the huge jagged scar that extends from his eye to his chin making him look dangerous.

"Um, hello?" Blake sounds wary and I can't blame him.

"Is Carter Wilde here?"

I blink in confusion but stand up. Walking towards the door I reply. "Yeah, I am Carter." His eyes meet mine and I notice the deep blue color of it. But the fact that puts me on the edge is the fact that I couldn't read him. His face is blank and expressionless.

He pushes past Blake, ignoring the cry of protest from my friend and stops in front of me. His sharp gaze pierces through me and it takes every ounce of courage I have to meet his stare.

"You have to come with me."

"Excuse me?" I ask, not sure whether I heard him correctly. Was this man demanding that I go with him? Who was he anyways?

"You are coming with me."

"I am not going anywhere with you." I say, crossing my arms. The fact that we were in the dorms give me some courage; even if Mister Crazy here tried to do something funny, Blake could call for help.

You see what I mean? A little more details help the readers envision what exactly is happening and gives more substance to the story.

Another thing is the spacing between paragraphs. It irritated me to see that there was no space between the paragraphs. That was a huge turn off for me.

Another part I would question you about is the part where Holly saves him. That is nicely done but I was more incredulous about the fact that he didn't once check on his friends before following her.

And according to me, he wouldn't really follow her the first time itself. It should take some amount of time for him to warm up to the idea of leaving his life behind. If he ever warms up willingly that is.

It is more likely that he will come face to face with an actual demon and Holly saves him. He then realises the danger the world faces and agrees to help them.

More likely, you can use his blind sister. Maybe a demon tries to attack her but Holly saves her and he agrees to be a Keeper. It would give him a good motive too.

I like Nikki. She seems to be a cool girl. I would love to see more of her later. I hope you don't let her become a two dimensional character.

Holly, I don't like much. I prefer action girls with a sense of humour or sassy at the very least. Since the plot is rushes I couldn't get a feel of the character.

I hope you aren't deterred by this. You have a passion for writing and that is very good. Keep it up and I will be happy to help in any way I can.

Maybe you can reconsider what the plot should be like and how fast you want it to go. Try to make it more believable.

+ Conclusion

Filled with potential. With a bit more of editing and sticking to the declared characters, this story will be a good read.

+ Overall Rating

5.5/10