Genre: Fantasy

Summary: I'd love to give you a soft start. Slowly and methodically rock you into the flow of the book. Give you a sweet taste of the normal life, and then present the problem. Thing is, I had a problem long before I started writing this. Three years on Earth, and calm moments were about as common as me smiling.

For your information, smiling isn't exactly an everyday business for me.

The thing about my story, is that it will not be a fucking romance novel. I don't know how it'll end, I only know the present and the past, everything ahead is unknown to me. You can have moments of realization and suddenly understand you might die tomorrow. Thing is, for you that's probably unlikely if you live in a relatively peaceful country. For me, it's the real deal every day of my life. I live doing my very best to melt into the communities I bump into, just for the sake of remaining hidden from my enemies. But I never succeed for longer than a few weeks. Sooner or later I'm forced to leave. Sooner or later I'm driven away from the few or non-existent friends I've made. New scars mark my body. In some ways, they're like the words written down in my diary. They contain the memories that are too painful to even mention, both physically and mentally. I guess one day I just decided I didn't want to write a diary on my own body anymore. Right about then this story started taking its shape.

+ Cover

The cover is fantastic. After reading your story I came to appreciate the cover since it kind of expresses what is going on in the story. Not to mention that there is a whole 'mysteriously dark' aura around it that will surely attract the readers.

Rating: 9/10

+ Title

I have to admit that the title oddly suits the story though I still haven't exactly found a clear connection to the story except for the prophecy. But then it doesn't always mean that there has to be a direct connection to the story. The fact about the title is that it gives an image about the protagonist being someone who is dark and maybe broken. So frankly, your title does the perfect job to reflect the story.

But as far as attractiveness goes, I didn't feel the pull to read it. It was not a common title but it wasn't anything extraordinary either.

Rating: 8/10

+ Summary

So this is the part I was more concerned about. Your summary is an excerpt from the story I understand but it doesn't do its job of enticing the readers to read the book. The blurb is supposed to be to the point and make the reader want to check out the book but the long sentences are kind of off putting.

The summary which you provided me with in the form is much more fitting. There is no harm in putting a short excerpt but it should be a part that makes the readers curious to know more. Your summary is confusing so I would recommend changing it.

Improve your summary and you are good to go 

Rating: 5.5/10

+ Plot

I have read only the first chapter till now, but the plot sounds very intriguing. I like fantasy stories that explore different worlds so this one story is right up my alley. The plot is completely yours so you can twist it any way you want. Since you created a whole different world (like how JK Rowling created the Harry Potter world) you can introduce a whole new set of creatures, places and things that would leave the reader stunned.

And of course, who can forget the prophecy?

It has a lot of potential so I hope you are planning to use it wisely.

Points for originality and creativity.

Rating: 8/10

+Characters

My personal favourites are the Mehri. They sound so interesting and have so much of potential. It isn't my first time reading about such creatures but the way you presented them sent chills through me. Their backstory only made me like them even more. Della is the one you introduced on a large scale in this chapter and I did like her. Her backstory is tragic and kind of scary. I also like the fact that she specially crafted the mask so as to not scare the children even more when she shows them nightmares.

Of course, the sassiness of your protagonist is welcome despite the fact that she seems very bitter about everything. And who can blame her?

I haven't read Chapter 2 so I can't comment on her 'friends' but I am sure that they would be as interesting as she is.

Rating: 9/10

+Chapters:

Length: This irked me quite a bit. It was just so lengthy. I don't mind it but when you are reading on a laptop it is a lot better to have shorter chapters to make it easier for the people to read. It is one of the reasons I didn't read the second chapter. The first chapter is itself long enough so I didn't feel like reading another one.

Nothing wrong with the story but it's mostly because of the pending books. But many of the readers may have turned away due to the length.

Cut the length a bit and it will be even more appealing to read.

Grammar: Your grammar is alright and so are your sentence structures. Descriptive texts seem to be your strength as the story is filled with them. And that is a good thing since this is a whole new universe you have created so everyone will need as much explanation about how things work as you can provide. There are very few typos around that can barely be noticed so don't worry about it.

General: Okay so as stated before the length is a big problem. There is a huge overload of information that will take some time to getting used to. So it would be better if break the chapter into smaller parts and let the readers absorb the information slowly.

The backstory of Della is recited in a very robotic way I feel. There could be more emotions that let the readers connect to her on a more personal level. The story you constructed could be used to make the reader relate more to the character.

I got confused more than once due to the dumping of information. I still don't understand a few points so you need to work on reducing the confusion for your readers. The interactions are perfect and they are really nice to read. The pacing is not too fast or slow so that isn't an issue.

Your descriptions are vivid and have a lot of details. Too much detail actually. So reduce that and the story will be perfect.

+Conclusion

This story has a lot of potential and it starts out dark. I would recommend it to anyone who likes stories about prophecies with a darker outlook to life. The Main Character is sassy and critical but entertaining at the same time.

Overall Rating:

7.5/10