In my Q&A I said that I had a rather dark story that occured in my life.

If your not comfortable with reading than you can leave,its just a little rant.

(------------------------------------------------------------)

As a child,I was very gullible and naive.

When I was 10,I kinda had a crush on this boy who for reasons I shall name,B.

I never really told him I had a crush on him but we been really good friends,some may even call it best friend.

He was there to comfort me during times where I got back stabbed by friends,he listened to my rants and everything.

Our friendship continued growing as years went by since we were always in the same class. Approximately,we were in the same class for like 4 years.

Soon people started shipping us since we were like really close,we were part of the same house,same extra curriculum and interest.

When I was 11,I took the courage to confess and he said he liked me back. I was overjoyed but turns out he just said it due to peer pressure.

Afterwards,I got really upset cuz I felt like my feelings were played with and we got into a heated arguement.

Because of that,I kinda cut my fringe a little because I just felt like cutting something and I didn't want my friends and families to worry about me if they saw my injured arm.

But he apologised and we immediately went back to being best friends. I know,I'm really stupid especially when it comes to trusting.

I even told myself that I wouldn't want to fall in love.

When I was 12,it was after my major examinations so all of us were free.

The shipping grew even more after we sometimes partner up and stuff.

And my dumb sh** self fell for him again,what's different was that I developed a lot from my 11 year old self.

Instead of long hair,I had short hair which was a contrast to what he liked and I only thought of him as a friend eventhough friends pointed out clear evidence that I liked him.

And than he confessed again,but this time it was face to face. I should probably add on that the first time was in paper :P

BUT we were 12,so I told him that we were still young and that we couldn't date but still kept as close friends.

We had our little moments here and there as we got closer.

He was one of the few who actually gave me a present on my birthday which he remembered and even replace it after I accidentally broke it.

B was a kind,sweet,smart boy who I was thankful that stayed by my side after all the years of friendship.

We would always eat together,chat as we head home,text each other about homework and others,race against each other to see who unlocked the classroom door first or who took attendance,compete over exam results,play card games together.

The two of us were also about to be accepted into the same school when I withdraw due to reasons.

We were the closest of friends literally,there was even a funny moment where we were having a mini test but the teacher wasn't in the classroom,so me and B had to stand in front of the class to look after them.

That's when a slightly romantic song started playing and the class immediately went Ooooooo while the two of us were really embarressed.

Everything seemed great and happy,but that's when things took a complete 180° turn.

For some reason,B didn't come to school for like 2 weeks and when he did came back,I asked him why he didn't come to school and asked if he was ok.

But all he did was shut me down and did not give me a proper explanation.

Afterwards,I started being with my other close friends since I couldn't do anything with B no matter how hard I tried.

One night,the class group chat started having a heated arguement and everyone was going against my other best friend who was being logically reasonable.

When I started defending her,B started insulting me,he called me worthless as my stupid life,a b***** and stupid.

I was hurt and I immediately fired back because I felt hurt and damaged,I cried a lot that night and I even apologised for something I didn't even do wrong.

My friends all asked why I apologised but I was just in a blank state of mind from the sadness and emotional hurt I felt because I thought I was in the wrong when I wasn't.

A few days later,we stopped talking,I did my own thing while he did his,I felt emotionally scared about losing my close friend over something that was unknown.

It was like I lost one of the important figures who kept me motivated and made me strive to be a better person in general.

When we got our results and the last day for everyone to officially see each other before we leave to different schools.

Me being me,still wished him the best in everything he did since he was going to a prestigious school which I knew was going to be tough.

I thought that I fully recovered from that experience,but turns out,I didn't.

After that,every boy I meant just reminded me of B and I never dared to talk with them in silent fear that I would experience the same hurt again.

When I was 13,I sent him a quick text,asking him about how he was doing in school,asking whether we could still be friends even after what happened.

A part of me did not want our long friendship to extinguish.

But he didn't give me an answer and instead blocked me.

After that,I had enough,I finally learnt that I was trying too hard to mend a broken friendship which I wasn't the one who caused it to break in the first place.

I was fed up with my naiveness and blocked him back.

Sometimes when he chatted in the same group chat,he would share about how he had a new crush and that she loaned him his jacket.

Ex classmates would start asking if I was jealous.

But oh boy,this was what I said which I quote.

"Him having a new crush doesn't matter to me,I just hope that that poor girl wouldn't have to go through the same thing as me."

AND

"Me break his heart? He was the one who did it,not me,so stop putting him as a victim when he knows what he done."

After 1 year of rejuvenation,I finally calmed myself down and learnt to forgive him even after all the hurt he caused me.

Now I'm 14. I'm happy with my close friends,both males and females. I learnt to properly guard my heart and accept that all that happened in the past.

To me,that experience made me learn that love wasn't a simple thing and allowed me to grow more as a person.

I got no clue where B is or what his doing,but I still wish him the best because he was still the reason why I am who I am today.

(------------------------------------------------------------)

And that's the end of my TED talk,thank you for coming and hope you happen to learn something from this sharing! :D

Honestly,I'm surprised I haven't fully broken down from everything I beem through-