Bree's confession makes me wonder if I deserve it. I mean, I've been so hellbent in pushing her away for her attitude that I've never realized that she also has quirks, not just flaws. This is why I'm shocked at her offer to join her cheer rehearsal tomorrow.

I'm scared to tell Jenna. I don't know what her reaction will be, and she also has her own issues to deal with.

I don't know if I'll be in the right mental place for work today. I need to be, though. Books don't sell by themselves.

***

This is one of those gloomy days where barely any customers pass by. Only Holly and I are in charge today, which means we'll have to take care mostly of inventary duties: sorting shelves, taking in deliveries and checking the database. When I had to do so on my third day here, I panicked as I felt I'd mess up at any time. Now, I'm confident we'll finish in no more than an hour.

Indeed, this is what happens. In less than forty-five minutes, our duties are fulfilled. Still, it doesn't mean that the shop closed down. There might be customers at the corner, ready to find out if any of the books we have suit their taste.

Okay, actually only one customer. The one I'm not really longing for today.

Ashleigh.

This is my workplace, not some random coffee shop, so this means I have to be professional. I'll try not to sound awkward and raise suspicions.

That is, until she greets me. "Hi, Cathy. How are you?"

My mind goes blank. I have no clue of what to say without being inappropriate. Holly has to nudge me back into reality. "Cathy, are you okay?"

I shake my head and sigh, frazzled at this situation. Holly advises, "Maybe you should take a break. It's obvious that you and Ashleigh need to talk. I can cover for you."

I reassure her. "No, no, I can work, don't worry..." I should stop lying to myself. I'm falling for Ashleigh Slade. It's obvious. I do nothing to hide my feelings, and she does nothing to reject them. I doubt we'll be able to be only friends. There's a lot more at stake.

"Cathy, please don't lie to yourself. It's painfully obvious you can't focus on work. Just go with Ashleigh, you have a lot of things to tell each other." Holly is right. We can't keep pretending acting as if nothing ever happened. We have to learn to deal with our own feelings.

This is why I leave the counter and drag Ashleigh to a shelf, asking her, "You want to talk here? But why? I don't think this is the most appropriate place to–"

She cuts me off. "Shh. Save it. Now we're here together, that's what matters." I shiver as she pronounces these words. How can she sound so collected when I'm all giggly and nervous?

I wish I had the answer to this question. Now, however, I don't have any time for wallowing. What's done is done. I need to move on and prove myself I can face this conversation.

"Listen, Cathy, I didn't mean to embarrass you. I'm truly sorry." As she apologize, I realize that the one who was truly wrong is me. I got scared by the age difference and couldn't think properly. I mean, I've already passed the age of consent; yet, there's still that part of me that perceives this as a forbidden relationship.

I admit. "I am the one who has to apologize to you, Ashleigh. I shouldn't have reacted like I did. I don't know if you can forgive me, but, even if you don't, remember that my opinion of you hasn't changed. I've only started doubting about–" Tears pour down my face as I utter the last sentence. Instead of keeping up with my speech, I just sob. Sometimes I think I don't deserve a confidant like Ashleigh.

"Why do you think you're undeserving, Cathy? I didn't mean to make you doubt yourself. I just wanted to help you–"

I interrupt her before realizing that I shouldn't have. "But things only got messier. I get it. I should really shame on myself." I swallow, barely retaining tears. I don't want to break her heart and she doesn't know if she's already overstepping. The only thing I know is that both of us are treading on thin ice.

"Please don't cry," she goes on. "My heart breaks when I see you suffer like that. Don't keep everything for yourself. Just talk, okay?"

I've never been good at keeping promises. Whether it's with my mother or Jenna, I'm not exactly a woman of word. Too many times I've disappointed other people. It's time to make up for my faults.

"I'll try to be more open to everyone, including you," I say, my mind still clouded by negative thoughts. For the first time, I feel ready to open up to Ashleigh, to tell her what I truly feel, to share my daily dose of sufferance with her.

Unfortunately, I don't have the chance to do so right now. She's staring intensely at her watch. This clearly means one thing: we have to separate, once again.

She clears her throat. "As you've just noticed, I really have to go. Before I leave, however, can you help me? I'm looking for book suggestions."

I accept immediately, showing off my best smile. "Naturally. Follow me. What are you looking for?"

She grins. "Usually, I'm not really into romance, but this time I want to change." That's interesting. She might not be a romantic type, but she clearly displays her feelings. She knows how to handle them and plays her cards at the best of her chances. This is one of the reasons why I admire her a lot.

I take her to the romance section and immediately pick a book from one of the shelves. "This is rather niche, so I don't know if you'll enjoy it," I warn, but she stays unabashed. I'm pretty sure she likes finding underrated gems every once in a while, putting them in the mix with more mainstream stories.

The book in question is A Bookworm's Guide by Dawn Thatcher. For some reason I'll never understand, critics panned it, defining it a "jumbled mess" to be nice. I, on the other hand, find it promising. It's not the typical romance. That's why I think it'd suit Ashleigh.

Indeed, she takes the suggestion very well. "I can't wait to read it. Hopefully, I'll discover another gem," she comments. I'd love to hear her review one day. She strikes me as someone who'd start doing book review vlogs. I don't know if she'll agree, though.

As we both head to the counter, the awkward feeling surrounding us disappears. She hands me the book, I register it, then she pays and leaves the shop with her new reading.

I have to admit, it went better than expected. Again, Holly is right. I should really thank her for her little push towards the right direction.

Hopefully, it'll help me with the other people around me.

***

Finally, Mom is home for dinner. I've wanted to talk to her for days and waited patiently for that chance. There was a point when I was ready to throw the towel, unable to gather enough courage to tell her that we need to talk and she can't avoid me forever.

Ashleigh's approach on different perspectives, however, makes me realize that life isn't always all black and white. There are many shades of colors in the picture, and they all have the same importance.

As I take my usual seat, Mom notices my nervous smile and says, "Cathy, if you want to talk, I'm here to listen, okay?"

I've never felt so relieved at Mom's offer to talk to each other.