_C0zy6_

Rating: C+, still needs some work.

I liked the way you opened your chapter. While it isn't that common, I think you put your own spin on this type of opening. You character, as we can notice, is very hard on herself. It gives off self improvement vibes, like she was at the end of an addiction or on the fifth stage of grief. It is a somewhat clever way to introduce both the flaws and strengths of the character, so I'll give you that.

With your title being Latte-ish Girl and the mentioning in your 3rd/4th paragraph being centered around this little latte love, I hope you can bring this somewhere other than just a character quirk. It'd be interesting to see this late love bring some sort of greater meaning later in your book (like it was a part of their time together she still can't get over, or the latte was something she used to always have with him that she hasn't been yet able to cut off because she doesn't see the bad part about iced lattes, idk just rambling ideas here). If this is what you have in mind, bravo.

So I'd first like to talk about the university. University of Mason high.... I looked it up just in case to see if it was a thing, and as far as I can tell it isn't. I'm not getting onto you because of that (I mean it's fiction, go crazy), but because of its name. It sounds like a high school, as many high schools are often referenced to like Springfield high, or the sort, but it isn't a high school. It's a college. Idk, not that big of a deal, but if it's the fantasy college she has been dreaming of then I think you should flesh it out more in the first chapter. I think it would be very advantageous to flesh out the college while keeping a subtle backdrop of his guy she has been struggling to forget. This way your ending with him bumping into her would have more power. Not only would the subtle hinting to him and her struggle with him give his appearance more power, but if you talk about how much your character has loved the idea of going to this college and it becoming a reality, the splicing and combination of her two greatest loves and hates would be really powerful. It would introduce a stronger conflict in my opinion, having this dream tarnished by his appearance.

Lots of the things I have talked about so far have been in regard to character and structure, but I think discussing setting and imagery a little more would be beneficial as well. This can really help you show, from her eyes, what UMH looks like. She can fantasize over its details and how it makes her feels (without directly addressing that, of course. That'd be weird). If you take advantage of imagery and setting you can really ground us in your story. I said this in a past review, and it was something along the lines of your characters should act in your story rather than be your story. And, if you really want to put the readers on an emotional roller coaster, you can make your setting (from her point of view) reflect her feelings and character. First person POV really allows the writer to bend the setting directly to the POV of their character. What they feel is often how they look at the setting. Doing this would make your story a lot more powerful in regard to her emotions as well.

You kinda told me not to go crazy on grammar (if you've seen past reviews you know how much of a tyrant I am on that stuff) but it would do you some good to, in my opinion, cut the ellipses down a notch (or the dot dot dot; ...). You use them incorrectly often, which isn't a big deal, but I think using them less just so when you do use them they can give a little more shock value and merit to what they are.

Let's talk character. Specifically, the side characters.

I'm not talking about him. I think in the first chapter, his being known almost as a mysterious ghost is a good idea. It builds tension and curiosity in the reader. What I'm talking about are her friends. They just *pop* into the story without any real introduction. It's good to remember that even the side characters have loves, hates, and consciousnesses. I shouldn't preach what I barely practice, but telling you this also works as a reminder for myself lol.

The reason I brought that up is because Brad cusses out a guy who bumps into her. Seems a little strange, correct? He didn't throw a punch or something. Yeah, it was a jerk move, bumping into someone, but it's just so odd to see Brad doing that. It's not exactly realistic, especially since all we know of Brad is that he just *popped* into the story as her friend. This, combined with the constantly changing time skips in the first chapter, as well as the unfleshed out UMH makes the whole chapter feel like a fever dream.

I hope this review was beneficial and helpful, and I hope you keep writing! I always tell people this at the end of reviews, but I do so because it really is important we don't stop writing and continue to push ourselves to the best of our abilities. A grade is a grade, but it's also just a recognition of what to do to keep moving forward.

Good luck! I'm now in the mood for iced-lattes.