inspirecreativity666

Rating: C-, needs multiple editors.

Now before we start thinking about that, let me tell you this: It could range from an F to an A+ and it wouldn't make any difference. Think of a grade like a guide. It helps you understand where your story is at. Maybe the help can be blatant and chilling, but it's help nonetheless.

Let's talk about, like I always do, the stuff I enjoy. You seem to have a very developed world in mind. You don't reveal everything to us at first, like many writers do, which I like because it makes the reader wanting to know more; wanting to understand. If used adequately, it could be a powerful hook. This sense of wonder at the magical elements in the story, which have a shallow learning curve for the reader (you don't info dump us basically) is something I always enjoy.

Now let's go into the more criticism part of it.

I read both the first chapter and the prologue, and I went through correcting every single error and typo and thingy I didn't like, so I won't touch base on the most basic of grammatical characteristics of your prologue and chapter.

However, there are some basic grammatical rules and format rules you should submit to. These include:

Indenting dialogue

Capitalizing where necessary

Not using run-on sentences

Using hyphens where necessary

And using commas and semicolons where necessary.

When you don't do any of these, it reads really terribly and sloppily. Those are just the basic fundamentals, and I think you should first learn all of those first. Ways you can do this include, but are not limited to: 

Reading actual, published literature. (Not wattpad)

Using the world wide web to further your knowledge, there's thousands of grammar sites out there.

Watching YT videos on how to write grammar and such.

Asking wattpad in its many forums

Or, even, DMing me. I'd love to help and I'm all yours for any questions you have!

To expand on grammar, let's talk about the way you use it, specifically regarding writing action. When you write your action, which can be anything with movement where the character or something else moves, you're very robotic and staticky about it. What I mean by that is your writing is very similar to this (Ignoring your grammar tendencies):

I went outside. I walked to the driveway. Bringing my arm upward, I opened the car door. I went inside the car and backed out of the driveway. I drove the car out and to the market.

It's pretty painful to read, if I am to be honest. A way you can mitigate this is to use more varied vocabulary, string together actions (I went outside, and then walked to the car.), and use less actions to sum up more actions (I drove to the market.).

Let's talk about imagery.

Your imagery is very simplistic, and you rely on the reader to create the images in their head too often. This is so much so that it divides the reader from the story, and keeps them from feeling grounded in it. Really good imagery brings in smell, touch, taste, sight, and hearing. Not all at once, and not all the time, but it's all in there. Really good imagery also relates to the character and bounces the setting off of their views on it. Maybe they'll think about the setting or its characteristics, and maybe it'll even bring them back to a relevant memory. It's also important not to include irrelevant imagery, such as the color of his wet hair. In that moment specifically, we don't care about his hair, the color of it, or how the water makes it darker, but we care about her pale skin from the water. We care about her shining skin and soaked her, her lifeless eyes and limp figure.

Another good thing to take into consideration when writing imagery is connotation. If you are not familiar with connotation, it's the tone of words, basically. I could describe a flag as bloody red or crimson red. Both mean basically the same thing, that it's a bright red flag, but bloody has a more sickly and upsetting connotation. When we think of blood we think of death, of slaughter, of violence. If the flag is a revolutionary flag, then bloody is a good way to describe its color! If it's the flag of a peaceful nation, bloody red would be a good way to describe it.

Let's talk about plot.

As for that, we have no idea what's going on. All we know is Quinn tried to kill herself (or did), that she was saved, got strange magical powers, was left in a basement somewhere, doesn't know what year it is (memory wipe?), and finally that her mother is in the police force of a small town known as Mystic Falls.

That's not that good.

As a reader, it feels like we're just floating around rather than with our protagonist, walking the same steps she is. It's not a concrete plot, but it's more abstract.

The #1 thing I would recommend to you is to get a line editor. I'm sure you could find one on wattpad, if you search enough. They will go hard on your writing and will correct every grammar and sentence related typo, mistake, error, and false assumption.

That's all I'm going to do and I hope I really helped you out and opened your eyes to some of the more hidden details of writing, most of which I can't and probably won't ever fully master myself.

I saw your 1.1k chapter and thought that was really cute and sweet, and so I hope I didn't go too hard on you. We're all aspiring writers here, and over a thousand reads is a huge thing, something I've yet to accomplish myself, so congratulations on that. That's a huge milestone, something lots of writers here (myself included) dream of.

I hope you keep writing and never stop improving your craft. Every teacher is a student, and every student is a teacher. Even if you're 101 and have been writing for decades, you're still a student and still can learn things about writing.

Good luck and I hope you found this helpful!