Beyoujm

Rating: B, a job well done.

the best part about this chapter is definitely the in medias res and the cliff hanger. You definitely went all out on juxtaposing the happy-go-lucky air of the childhood memory with the dark interrogation room in the beginning, as well as with the warning and promise of danger at the end. It leaves the reader wondering, "what the hell happened?" since the innocence is so well contrasted with the mature, dark themes.

I think the two next best attributes to this chapter are the imagery and characters. Your characters are relatable and fit their childish roles well, and the brotherly love between the two is well written. The imagery, while a little cloudy at times due to grammatical and punctuation errors, is simple and the bare necessary to paint the picture in the writer's mind. While it's obviously not the main point to the story, it does its job well. 

And this brings me to the punctuation. I would recommend you get a line editor, but since this is basic enough I think you should go through your chapters and paragraphs one by one and add the necessary punctuation. This isn't specifically ending punctuation, such as periods and question marks, but rather commas, colons, and semi-colons. Splitting a couple sentences in half here and there would make it flow better, too. While I don't really care or pay much attention to that stuff in a review, it's important you include the correct markings. Here's the epitome of what I mean:

"'Mmhm' said Shyam as his hand moved floated over the paper, smoothly without a single pause yet one side of his lip raised mildly."

It took some dissecting on my part to understand that sentence, it's so unnecessarily delving into detail you could cut so much out. Moved, or floated? If I were to rewrite that sentence, I would do it as this:

"Mmhm," Shyam said as his hand glided over the paper, raising his lip mildly.

And there's almost not even a need for "raising his lip mildly." I changed "moved floated" to "glided" because that infers movement on his hand's part, and incorporates the smoothness of the motion with the word floating.

I'm also confused on this word that keeps coming up again and again. "Bunk" it is. It's used as a verb, and I initially thought you meant to say "flunk", like one would flunk a class, but the word keeps reappearing. Is this a regional slang, or something you have to check out and fix? It just confused me, is all.

I appreciated the little word bank at the bottom, since readers like me and other westerners may not know that vocabulary.

Overall, it is well written. Your flow and structure are the best parts, along with the characterization. However, it was hard to read at times and I think a line editor would be very beneficial. Usually on wattpad starting a novel with in medias res, or halfway through and going back into a memory, falls flat because the interior content after that first portion is boring and offers no leads to what made it get to where it is in the medias res. But, you did not let that happen, and offered a couple hints to how things changed and will change for the rest of the story.

Good job! It was a pleasure to read, and I apologize for delivering this review late. I thank yo for your patience, and also for your writing.

Speaking of which, don't stop writing! It's good!