Name: My Little Pony: New Pony In Ponyville
Type: (Fanfiction) My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Author: MLP333
Status: Incomplete

Description: Colorful Cloud (which is my OC, she's the book cover) moved to Ponyville.
She soon makes friends with the mane 6
She is,
Funny and loves to bake, Like Pinkie Pie
Kind and loves animals, Like Fluttershy
Smart and likes to read, Like Twilight
Hardworking and Honest, Like Applejack
Is very artistic, and designs dresses, Like Rarity.
And is very fast, and loyal, Like Rainbow Dash.
But one of those Character Traits makes one of the mane 6 jealous.
Who is it and what is the Character Trait?
Find out! :) enjoy.

Review: I always say this but, please do not be offended. I'm only trying to help. Now, first of all, just by reading the description, I can easily come to a conclusion, that, Colorful Cloud, is in fact a Mary Sue (all perfect). It's true. She has all the character traits as the mane 6, which is not good. And faster than Rainbow Dash? While that is a possibility, it's rare, though, not saying it's impossible. If that's really necessary to your story, remove some similarities to the mane 6, give some negative traits. Like, she could be like, Twilight but faster than RD. Negative traits like, blunt, impatient, rude, disloyal, etc. In short, make her less perfect.
Details is another thing. Explain the scene around her, don't rush, go slowly, explain why, when, how, what, where.
Plus, it makes it longer. Which you've got down, length is no problem. I rarely saw spelling and punctuation errors too!
Leave spaces between paragraphs, which I can see, you're not doing.
Your fic definitely could improve and turn into a great story!

Rating 1.75 / 5