Name: Fighting for Clouds
Type: (Fanfiction (Contest entry)) My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Author: HeartGoesWild
Status: Incomplete

Description: Indigo Sky's couldn't help but hear—the clouds that she secretly paints are under threat.
Selfishly, Celestia has complained that the clouds often hide the true beauty of the sun.
What can Indigo do?
She can't just let her most favourite hobby slip by her!
Will she fight back?
Fight for the clouds...

(A story for Mystiffy's Contest including Sky-Painters)

Review (Warning: Spoilers): Ok, starting off, the plot of the story is very original. I know the Sky-Painters do not belong to you, but using them in a way related to war, is quite smart. I can't see Celestia complaining about the clouds and ordering them to be have to removed, though. Celestia is a peaceful ruler, and her ordering the clouds to be removed because it sometimes blocked her sun is...kinda silly. I might suggest fixing up a few plot holes in the story, think it all through, then think of all the circumstances that could possibly ruin your story. If not, then put an 'alternate universe' tag, which can easily solve Celestia's behaviour, but if you don't want to but an AU tag, then I suggest at the end of the story, explain why Celestia was acting that way, either due to under a spell, dark power, potions, etc. But nevertheless, it's a good plot, and please continue writing it. The grammar and punctuation is good, but there are a few mistakes here and there, check after you finish your writing and try to correct errors that slipped by the first time. Another thing is length. Try and make your chapters a bit longer and fun for your readers, no one likes short chapters no matter how good the grammar. Try and get to at least 800+ words, that's at least satisfying. If your full story structure is short in general, then try and writing details, which I see, your story lacks of. Try and describe the scene around your character. Want a busy feeling? Put a lot of busy ponies hustling and bustling around, want a sad feeling? Put an overcast sky, etc. Do the same with objects, it depends on what you want your reader to feel about the object (scared, excited, nervous, etc.) and what you want the reader to focus on that particular object (the gem on the necklace, the pieces of gold on the stone, etc.). Overall the story is good, but you could improve on a few tidbits her and there.

I hope you don't take this offensively, and try to improve where I told you. I am, after all, here to help.

Rating: 2.5 / 5