Rainy days
V

"Remember how I used to make you laugh the most
내가 이런 말 할 자격 없어도
Let me make up for all the time we lost
We can start again, open all the doors
Don't tell me it's over, we can start it over"

It's been thirty long days since Crystal left, and every single one has been a struggle. Even though I try to maintain a facade of normalcy while I'm at work, deep down, I feel the weight of her absence. Every day, I long to see her, to feel her soft touch, and to bask in the warmth of her presence. But when I return to the emptiness of my apartment, the sadness hits me like a ton of bricks. It's as if the walls around me are closing in, reminding me that she's not here and that I'm alone.

Jimin, my dear friend, still finds time to visit me even with his busy schedule. Although he cannot come over every day anymore, he still tries to see me two to three times a week, which I greatly appreciate. Even Hoseok has been coming over often to check up on me. Whenever they're around, we spend quality time together, catching up on each other's lives and enjoying each other's company. Seeing them has reminded me of how blessed I am to have such amazing friends who are always there for me.

As soon as I woke up this morning, I sent my daily message to Crystal, as I do every day. Interestingly, just a few seconds after I hit send, I received a message from her saying, "Good morning." It's a small gesture, but it still feels good to know we're keeping in touch, even though we don't talk much. Our conversations are limited to a simple "Good morning" and "Good night," but it's still more than nothing. It's a reminder that we care about each other's well-being and are still a part of each other's lives, no matter how small the gestures may be.

I drive the vehicle to get breakfast. Hoseok sits beside me and asks, "You seem to be in a good mood today; why?" His eyes are shining with curiosity, and I can't help but smile at his observation. The sun is shining bright, and the cool breeze blows through the open car windows, filling the cabin with a refreshing aroma of flowers and trees. The birds are chirping happily, adding to the pleasant ambiance.

"The weather is perfect today, and I am glad to be alive and well. How about you, Hobi?" I reply

Looking at my friend, I notice a hint of confusion in his eyes, but simultaneously, a knowing smile plays on his lips. His curiosity gets the best, and he asks, "Are you talking about Crystal? Did something happen between you two? Did she speak to you?"

I shake my head and smile back at him, feeling a sense of contentment within me. "No, there's nothing new to report. But today, I feel like a weight has been raised off my shoulders."

As I step into the bakery Hoseok and I visit every morning, a wonderful aroma of freshly baked goods fills my nostrils. It's a daily ritual for us before we start our day, and we both look forward to it. The bakery has an extensive assortment of delightful treats, ranging from sweet to salty, and some are even a perfect mix of both. The smell of warm croissants, cinnamon rolls, muffins, and bagels makes it challenging to choose just one item. It's a sensory overload that's worth experiencing every day.

I take in the surroundings, and my mind wanders to Crystal and how much she would enjoy this place. I can already picture the delight on her face as she takes in the sweet aroma filling the air. Given her love for all things sugary, this place would undoubtedly be paradise to her. I can't help but let out a small chuckle at the thought of her struggling to decide which treat to indulge in and ultimately giving in to temptation and selecting one of each variety. 

"Tae Tae, is that you?" My heart skips a beat as a familiar voice calls out to me from the end of the bakery. I turn around to see who it is, and my heart sinks when I realize it's someone I  didn't expect to see here. The voice belongs to someone from my past, someone I haven't seen since New Year's Eve. I  feel a mix of emotions - surprise, nostalgia, and a tinge of sadness.

Recognition flickers in her eyes as she looks at me, and a small smile tugs at the corners of her lips. "I knew it was you," she says, her voice warm and familiar. She reaches out to touch my shoulder, her fingers lightly brushing against my skin. For a moment, it's as if we're still as close as we used to be. 

But my body betrays me, tensing up at the feeling of her hand. My heart aches with a sharp, stabbing pain at the sight of her. So much has changed between us, and yet, in that moment, it feels like nothing has changed at all. 

Jennie, my high school sweetheart, has always had a unique talent for manipulating people effortlessly. She could easily twist anyone around her fingers, including me. Despite our separation years ago and the inevitable changes that come with adulthood, I can't help but feel a sense of nostalgia when I see her again. It's as if time stood still, and we were transported back to our teenage years. I know she's not the same girl I used to date, but something is alluring about her that still draws me in.

I don't necessarily miss Jennie or want her back. Perhaps it's the memories we shared or those special moments. Since meeting Crystal, I can't find another woman who can compare to her. She set the bar so high that it's hard for anyone else to measure up.

I'm lost in my thoughts when Jennie interrupts me with a bold invitation, "Let's hang out sometime, as we used to." Her confident tone takes me by surprise, and before I can respond, she turns to my friend Hobi and adds, "You're invited too." Hobi nods in agreement, and I can feel the heat building inside me at the thought of spending time with Jennie again.

As we start chatting, I can't help but notice how effortlessly she manages to steer the conversation towards Crystal, my ex-girlfriend, whom I still love. I try my best to remain calm, but a rush of anger fills my chest, making it hard for me to concentrate on what she's saying. Finally, she drops the bomb, "I heard you broke up with the woman you brought on New Year's Eve."

Her words sting and it takes strength to keep my composure. I take a deep breath and try to change the subject, but the damage has already been done. As the conversation dies down, I can't help but wonder why Jennie brought up Crystal in the first place.

~•~

Over several weeks, Jennie showed up at the bakery every day. I couldn't help but notice the tension that built up in me every time she mentioned Crystal, the woman I love. It was abundantly clear that Crystal's name did not belong in Jennie's vocabulary, and I clarified it to her. After that, Jennie never mentioned Crystal again, which made our conversations much smoother and less awkward.

After she moved back to her mother's place, which was just a few streets away from my apartment, I found myself frequently running into my ex-girlfriend. Whenever my friends Jimin and Hoseok came over to hang out, she somehow always managed to tag along, and I didn't mind as long as I wasn't left alone with her. The thought of being alone with her made me feel uneasy and awkward. After all, I knew her all too well and was aware of what she could do. The situation was tricky.

It's Friday, and the night is long. I'm ready to hit the town with my buddies and shake everything off. I can feel the excitement as I run my fingers through my hair, trying to make it look just right. As I gaze at my reflection in the mirror, I can't help but notice the subtle changes in my face. My cheekbones seem more pronounced, giving my face a chiseled look. I've lost a bit of weight. 

As I think about the night ahead, my mind wanders to Crystal. I remember her curves, so perfect and alluring. I hope she hasn't lost weight, as it would be a shame to change such a beautiful body. I can almost feel her soft skin against mine, and the thought makes me smile. 

It's been too long since I touched her perfect body. I miss Crystal, my little panda, and my dreams are packed with her and me tangled up in my bed in various positions. Morning wood is what I wake up to, and I wish my dreams were coming true. Just the thought of it makes me hard again. Shit. Calm down. 

Knock knock

Knock knock

I hear a knock on the door, and my heart races excitedly. The boys are here, but I'm not even dressed yet. I quickly wrap a towel around my still-damp body after taking a shower. Checking the time, I realize they're too early, an hour before our planned meet-up. I take a deep breath and open the door casually, running my fingers through my wet hair to remove the droplets. "Missed me already?" I say with a grin, expecting to see my friends. However, my excitement fades away when I notice the person walking inside my apartment. My heart sinks to my stomach as I realize it's not who I was expecting.

My eyes widen in surprise as I see her walking casually into the living room. I step right behind her and watch her standing in the room, feeling a sense of unease creeping up my spine. Jennie, an acquaintance from my past and my ex-girlfriend, isn't supposed to be here. 

"What are you doing here, Jen?" I ask, trying to sound as composed as possible, though my heart is racing. I feel caught off guard and vulnerable, unsure how to react. Jennie turns around to face me, and as I meet her gaze, I notice her eyes wandering down to my half-hard groin. 

A smile appears on the edge of her lips, and the woman's voice is laced with a hint of playfulness as she leans closer. "Are you that excited to see me?" she asks, her lips forming a mischievous smile. With a delicate motion, she tucks her bottom lip between her teeth, adding to her already alluring demeanor.

I step back, trying to maintain distance between us, and my heart races as I face her. "This has nothing to do with you. What are you doing here?" I say, trying to keep my voice steady. The situation is dangerous, and I'm feeling impatient and frustrated. I don't want to be alone with her any longer. "Please leave my place," I add, hoping she understands the urgency in my tone.

I lock eyes with her; her gaze delves deep into my soul. Memories of the past flood my mind, reminding me of the young, foolish boy I once was, who would have been on his knees at her feet. However, I am not that boy anymore. I have matured into a man capable of controlling my emotions and impulses, no matter how intense the attraction may be. I stand tall, meeting her gaze confidently, knowing I am not the same person she once knew but someone better, stronger, and more self-assured.

I walk towards the door, and the sound of my footsteps echoes on the wooden floor. I turn the knob and open the door for her. "Leave right now!" I say in a stern and forceful tone. Jennie slowly approaches me, her gaze fixed on me. Her fingers trace my bare chest, but her touch doesn't affect me in any way. I feel a sense of anger and frustration rising within me. "I've already told you once, Jen. I don't want to repeat myself!" I say, my voice getting louder and more intense.

"This is your loss," Jennie whispers teasingly against my skin before exiting through the door. I hear the sound of her footsteps growing fainter as she walks away. I stand there momentarily, still feeling the warmth of her breath on my neck. But then, without a second thought, I slam the door shut and turn the key in the lock.

My jaw tenses in anger. Jennie is way too bold. Does she think I'm that desperate? That I'm easy to seduce? I can't believe she would even try to lure me in the first place. Maybe she thinks I'm just like all the other guys she's been with, but she's wrong. I'm not that kind of person anymore. 

The situation would have been entirely different if the person in question was Crystal. My little panda has a particular hold on me, and it wouldn't take much for her to bring me to my knees. My thoughts are consumed by the woman I love, and every passing moment feels like I am being unfaithful to her, even though we are no longer in a relationship. The memories of our time together are still vivid, and I constantly yearn for her presence. It's a complicated and confusing situation, but my heart knows what it wants.

I am standing in front of my closet, trying to decide what to wear for the night, when suddenly I hear my phone ringing. For a moment, I hesitate to answer, but then I see that it's Crystal who is calling, and my heart skips a beat. I wonder why she would be calling me,  and my hands start to sweat. Could something be wrong? As I answer the call, my mind races with possibilities.

"Hi Crystal, is everything okay?" I ask, my voice filled with concern.

"Tae?" Crystal's voice sounds shaky, and it seems like she's crying. My worry grows, and without a word from her, I instinctively grab my car keys, ready to go to her place. "Can you come over?" she asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

I sense the urgency in her tone and don't hesitate for a second. "Of course, I'm on my way," I say, my heart pounding with anxiety. I quickly grab my jacket and head out to my car, hoping everything will be alright.

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