Closer
RM & Paul Blanco & Mahalia

"I get a feelin' sometimes
That I can't get close enough to you
I feel it most in the nighttime
Even though that's when I'm closest to you. If I could be under your skin
Closer than we've ever been
We'd be closer than we've ever been."

No one could save me right now. My heart is pounding so hard that I can't feel it beating anymore. At any second it could jump out of my chest but I'd still be in the same state. Dead. Jungkook's words echo over and over again in my ears. Taehyung's empty gaze is directed at me but he's looking through me. I feel his breath on my forehead which burns like fire on my skin.

My boyfriend's lips are trembling as he swallows the lump in his throat. "What did he say? Tell me it's not true. Tell me he's lying. He's kidding me, right, Love?" In his eyes is so much desperation and hope at the same time. The way he's begging me with his face to repeat his words is like cutting me with glass. My lips are apart but my voice isn't coming out. However, the droplets escaping from my eyes tell more than he wants to know.

"Panda, Love, talk to me. Say he's lying, please!" Taehyung grabs my shoulders, he's still gentle but it causes stress inside me. His beautiful dark eyes are glistening and a tear appears on the edge. I hurt him and I will break him by telling the truth but lying to him will make everything worse.

"Tae_"

"Shut up Jimin, I'm asking my woman!"  Taehyung's loud voice shrieks me up since he interrupted Jimin from talking. His eyes never left me. 

"I…Tae…I_" I'm stuttering as I try to collect the words in my mouth but it seems as if they're floating in the air. And I can hardly catch a straight phrase.

"Come on, say it Love." Shit, how am I supposed to tell the truth when he's still trusting me by calling me by his given nickname, love. And his voice is so soft, not a single drop of the anger he had a moment ago when he yelled at his best friend.

"Jungkook's not lying." Everything seems in slow motion. I can sense how the man I love is falling apart piece by piece. Taehyung's hands on my shoulders feel so heavy. His head is hanging low with his eyes fixed on the floor. The atmosphere is drastically changing from heavy tension to chaos and hectic. "Tae, please hear me out first."

"I got my answer!" He lets go of my shoulders and passes me but I grab his shirt to stop him. But he's stronger than I am, his shirt could rip anytime hence why I follow his steps.

"Taehyung, please. I didn't know Jimin was your best friend."

"But you knew as soon as I introduced you to him. You could have told me then!" The man I love is angry, his words coming through gritted teeth but what hurts me more is, he isn't even looking at me.

"That's not that easy, I was going to tell you about him as soon as we're home. I thought our home would be a better place to discuss my past." Steps stop suddenly and I bump my head against his well-trained back. I take it back, I don't want him to look at me. Not with those eyes. Although hurt glistens in his beautiful orbs there is a hint of disappointment. This is the worst. It's embarrassing. He gives me a look as if I did something horrendous. Everyone's watching me and I wish I'd be invisible.

"Well, you thought wrong. You should have said it sooner." It's the first time I see his cold side. I don't like this. 

"Would it change anything?" Tears of regret and hurt are streaming down my cheeks. Even though his friends are here and watching us, it doesn't matter if they see me cry because the loss of Taehyung is a greater pain. "If I said it then, would you hate me less than you do now?" His gaze gets darker at my question, a frown on his eyebrows and his jaw tense.

"I deserve the truth! You said you love me. If you would, you would have told me as soon as possible. But you decided to hide it from me and act all lovey-dovey. You made a fool out of me. What does this look like? Everyone knew about this shit but me? So, does your love work like this? I tried to always be honest with you and I expect the same from my partner." Taehyung is yelling. I hate it when someone is shouting at me. Tears build up in his angry eyes but before they drop, he shoves my hands away and turns around.

It's over. He is done with me. He feels betrayed and I can't even blame him because I was too scared to tell him. I was going to tell him at the right time and right place. Funny, there is no timeline for a serious conversation. "Tae, you know I love you. I was wrong for hiding this_"

"I don't know if your love is honest when you hide something as important as this, Crystal!" The man I love combs through his hair before tugging hardly on his dark locks. As I look around me, I see Wooshik and Hoseok with worried eyes for Taehyung, standing beside Jungkook, who is sitting on the floor. He's nearly passing out from all the alcohol.

One person's stare is fixed on me. It's Jimin. I don't know if he's worried about me or his best friend but he looks shocked and hurt at the same time. A question is stuck in my throat yet I hesitate to ask it loudly. "What do you want to tell me with this?"

Taehyung's sigh is heavy. Before he even says it I already know his answer. The way he's breathing unevenly informs me he's on the verge of crying. "I'm sorry but I can't look at you right now."

I gasp for air. The remaining balance in my wobbly knees guides me to the stairs where I drop onto the wooden rung. As if Taehyung pulled the ground under me and suffocated me with his words. The man is still standing there and turns halfway in my direction but before he faces me he bounced back. His hands are squeezed into fists as he walks away from me.

When he passes Jimin, the blonde-haired man grabs his wrist and turns his best friend around to look at him. "Taehyung, what are you doing? She loves you and you said you do too, so why are you so cold?" Now, Jimin is the one shouting and I close my ears with my hands. The noises are stressing me out and I feel like vomiting again.

"You are the last person I wanna talk to!" Taehyung is yelling back at his best friend. All their muscles are tense, even their faces.

"Don't be childish. It was a one-time thing with no meaning." 

"Was she one of your sex friends?" My stomach flips at Taehyung's question. Jimin looks confused and scoffs lightly.

"Do you think she would be here with you when she was one of them? I don't think so."

"What the hell do you want to tell me, Jimin? That you're better than me?" Taehyung approaches Jimin dangerously close and I see how Wooshik and Hoseok are alert by his sudden move.

"Just fucking wake up, dude. Don't you see how dedicated this woman is? Do you even know how loyal she is to you? Damn Tae, If I had the chance to turn back time I would have never let her go. Just look at you being dramatic over something she did before you were in her life. Get your act together!" The older one doesn't make the situation better. Jimin presses his finger against Taehyung's chest.

"How can I forget that now? Whenever I will sleep with her, the imagination of you fucking her, will haunt me!" Shameless and disgusting, that's what I am in his eyes? Nothing cuts me deeper than his spoken words.

"Don't you think you're exaggerating? You know her ex now, does this mean you also see how he fucked her?" Jimin is provocative.

"That's not the same. You're my fucking best friend!" Again, Taehyung's voice gets louder. It's almost unbearable listening to them.

"You should be fucking grateful that I am, or else I would've snatched her away from you a long time ago." With this statement, hell breaks out. Taehyung throws a fist against Jimin's nose. The older one stumbles onto the floor with a runny bloody nose. But the man I love is raging, his breathing is fast and puffy. Taehyung sits on Jimin's stomach and punches him nonstop.

"How dare you?" Taehyung screams in anger. Wooshik and Hoseok struggle to stop their friend from boxing their other friend who's laying on the floor. Jimin tries to protect his face with his fists but Taehyung is fast and stronger than him. The sound of punching skin and coughing fills up the room. They can't handle him, he doesn't calm down, and his wrath is growing with every passing second.

"Stop it! Just stop it already!" With my last energy, I scream my lungs out. It worked out. Taehyung stops his fist in the air but drops them to his side. He stands up and without a word, he leaves the room. Hoseok follows his friend immediately while Wooshik helps Jimin to his feet. Jimin looks bad. His plump lips are swollen with bruises and his nose is bleeding badly. One eye is disappearing from the swollenness. 

"Wait here, I'll get the first aid kit," Wooshik says while he walks to the kitchen.

The blond-haired guy doesn't listen to his friend and walks to me. His hand brushes the tears from my cheeks away as he crouches in front of me. "Are you ok?" Is he seriously asking me that? 

"I should ask you that? You're the one who got beaten up, not me." A little smile appears on his handsome face. Although he's all swollen, the curve on his lips is still noticeable.

"I bet this is nothing compared to your pain right now." Why do his words cut me? He is correct. My heart is broken and I feel disgusted with myself.

"If I never did what I've done, I won't be here sitting like a piece of shit." Tears stream down as embarrassment takes over me. Why was I so carefree?

"Everything has a reason, Crystal. Let time pass a bit. Taehyung is a dickhead who can't handle the situation. He can't think properly because his pride is blocking him. All I know is, he loves you!" Jimin's soft voice is calming. He wipes gently the tears from my face while looking into my teary eyes. "Believe me. I saw my best friend being in love but with you, he's different. And I'm happy and sad at the same time. Happy to see my best friend's precious smile again and that's all because of you. Sad because I know I can't have you."

The man's voice cracks at the last sentence. I don't have to ask what he meant by that. Jimin confessed his feelings already but I can't accept him. My heart belongs to Taehyung even though he broke it but I'm also at fault for what happened tonight.

"Jimin, I'm sorry." 

"Don't be. It's ok." 

This was probably one of the worst nights I've ever had. I was so exhausted yet couldn't fall asleep. I don't even remember how and when I lost the fight against tiredness. Taehyung never came into our room but his voice was audible. He discussed hours with his friends but since they were talking in Korean I couldn't understand what they were saying. His voice was hoarse from all the yelling and screaming, and so was Jimin's as well.

Since Taehyung confessed his feelings, we were always together. Not a single night was I alone because he always came after work to my place. We just moved in together. It's scary how fast we were moving with our relationship but everything felt right. Where did it go wrong? If Jimin said the truth that Taehyung loves me, then this might not be the problem. Maybe, we still have too many unspoken issues to reveal and talk through. 

I hope I get a chance to talk to him about everything.

Voices are audible when I leave my room. Insecure about how to face all of them. Chills are covering my skin at the thought of their stares. If I could I would hide and only come out when everyone left but I came here with Taehyung and his friends. Will I be driving home with them? 

"You're so annoying. Take your stuff so we can finally leave." A very familiar voice is talking and I speed my steps to confirm the person.

"Oppa, why are you even here? I came here with Kai, he can drive me back." That is definitely Jennie's voice whining and answering the other person. As I arrive at the end of the stairs, I already notice everyone is gathered in the living room. Hoseok, Wooshik, and Yoongi are sitting in my direction and they are the first to see me.

"I have no idea, your mother called me to pick you up and that's why I'm here. Do you think I came here because I missed you? We're not that close even though you're my cousin." The familiar man who belongs to the voice is sitting with his back facing me.

"Oppa, you're always so mean!" Jennie is standing in front of him and is not amused since she stomps up the stairs to get her stuff.

Taehyung is sitting with Jimin right on the next couch. The blonde-haired man sees me and smiles slightly. And of course, his best friend takes notice of it and our eyes meet. I'm burning hot as guilt and shame rushes through my body. He doesn't look as angry as yesterday but he is still upset. But as soon as I approach the group he lowers his gaze to his hands. This situation is awkward. 

In silence, I sit on the empty spot and copy Taehyung's behavior. Should I talk to him now? Is it too early? Everything just happened a few hours ago. I don't think he is ready to talk about it. Noises from a keychain take my attention to Jimin and Taehyung. The older one gives something to the man I love but he doesn't take it. "Tae, take my car and drive her home. I will leave with Kook."

"I don't want to!" Taehyung growls back and pushes the key from his lap to the floor. This answers all my questions. Can it get even worse than this rejection from the man I love? Tears building up in the corner of my eyes doesn't help in this situation. I fight against my emotions from bursting out in front of all these people. Yesterday was enough of an embarrassment for me, I don't want to repeat that.

"Bambi, what are you doing here?" The familiar man is sitting next to me. I completely forgot to check if the voice belonged to the man who I thought was Jin, and it was him. My boss and also my friend Seokjin is looking at me with wide eyes. "Oh I forgot, your boyfriend is this kiddo here, right?" Did he notice my puffy eyes, or why else does he joke around? Jin knows that Taehyung is my boyfriend. This man pranks and jokes a lot, especially when he sees someone sad.

"What are you doing here, would be more accurate." A smile appears on my lips when Jin rolls his eyes. He can be so sassy sometimes.

"Jennie is the daughter of my mom's sister. My aunt asked me to pick her up and it would be disrespectful if I'd denied her wish. So here I am." It's always funny to listen to his explanation because he's talking with his whole body.

"I never knew you were related to her." The depth of Taehyung's voice surprises me. His gaze is fixed on Jin. My boss shifts to the other side to face Taehyung. Somehow it's funny to see Jin in sweatpants and a casual hoody. I only get to see him in fancy clothing at work. This man can pull off anything.

"That's because I lived in LA for a long time. I recently moved to New York City a year ago. Plus Jennie and I aren't close at all but our moms are. Family is family, we can't escape them." Everyone in the room is chuckling and nodding their heads in agreement with Jin's statement. Taehyung is the only one who doesn't react as he lowers his head again. "Come with me, I'll drive you home, Bambi."

an: please don't forget to vote⭐

Is Jin going to take over?
Just a few words, for all who read DEADLY COMBINATION, that book is currently on hold. DIVE INTO YOU has still 15-20 chapters but I want to concentrate and finish this book with my whole attention and heart.

Please don't come at me, saying "I ruined the book" just because it's not to your liking what happened in the last chapters. Trust my work and wait or quit reading my story!

🐼🌸💋