LANY feat. Lauv
Mean it

"Don't mess with my head
Don't tell me you're falling with your
Feet still on the ledge. I'm all out of breath. Baby, don't run me 'round and 'round. Don't kiss me, no, don't kiss me right now."

"I love you!"

The three words leave his mouth but it doesn't reach my heart. I isolated my precious feelings for a while when he didn't answer. It's too painful to be not enough and here he is saying those three phrases I wanted to hear so badly out of his mouth, with his soothing voice. Two weeks isn't a long time but for me, it felt like hell. I feel, played with, and thrown away. Mixed emotions are going crazy inside me.

What should I answer? Do I have to reply to his words? My head is spinning and I can't think properly. That's why I turn around and walk past the crossway. His steps are following right behind me. Why does he tag a suitcase with him? Is he going somewhere?

"Crystal, I said, I love you." Taehyung's voice gets louder and people around us are already watching us with their side eyes. I can't decipher if he's being honest with me. Looking into his eyes would solve the riddle but I'm too busy to tame my emotions from bursting out and losing my mind. He needs to understand how it feels to be ignored. Yet I know very well, I can't ignore him forever and that's not what I want either.

"Please, I can explain everything. It'll sound funny though and I don't know if you'd believe me but talk to me." The tramway is arriving and I enter it, wondering if he'd follow me. I take a seat by the window and the man with his suitcase takes the one that's facing my direction in front of me. Somehow it makes me happy that he followed me. Fight a little bit more Kim Taehyung.

My gaze is automatically fixed on the outside, adoring the colorful Christmas lights in every store and building. It's too quiet, he has stopped talking, probably because of the looks we got earlier from these people. I check on him inside the window through his mirrored silhouette but I'm already surprised by his gaze. His gentle eyes and the sad smile on his face make me want to pull him closer and confess my feelings as well. 

Is this a Deja Vu? My eyes are on him, not on his reflection in the windows but on the real person. I remember something similar happened to me almost a year ago. While I study his face, my attention catches the unique mole on his bottom lip. There was a man with a hoodie on with the same mole but I didn't see his face properly. Could it be him? At that time I fought with Yoongi and he ignored me for days.

"This reminds me of when I saw you for the first time on this tram. You already caught my attention then and I couldn't forget you. I even prayed to meet you again someday, when I had to leave for my station." So it was Taehyung. Is this called destiny? It's a day I had purposely kicked in the edge of my memories because of Yoongi, my ex. This means that I met Tae way earlier than I thought. That explains why his mole was so familiar.

"I thought you don't like to ride the tramway. Why were you here in New York City when you live in Manhattan?" After asking these questions I imaginary punch myself. Why do I care? It's his past. "Nevermind, it's not important."

"You're right, I love to drive my car but I'm glad I rode it on that day." Taehyung is such a sweet talker and he gets me with those words. My cheeks are burning and I try to hide my face in my scarf but Mr. Charming is faster and takes my chin carefully between his thumb and index finger. He pushes my head gently up to meet his soft eyes. "Let me explain the last two weeks to you, please."

It's impossible to resist him when he's so soft on me. Taehyung seems to know where to push my buttons to open up and forget that I was even angry at him. I nod to answer his request and I get a sweet smile from the man sitting in front of me. He takes a deep breath as if he's going to dive and when he tells me his story of how he was surprised by his brother who took him to Seoul spontaneously that he forgot or even lost his phone. 

Listening to his dilemma makes me feel guilty all of the sudden. All I could think about was, how he'd fuck another girl. That he found someone better, maybe a woman who could give him anything he wanted. A person who's more than enough and worthy of him. I really believed he dumped me this time, that I won't see him ever again. Or worse, I'd see him happy, with another woman. This man deserves everything but I'm selfish when it comes to Taehyung. I want him!

"I left Seoul earlier than my mother had planned for me but I needed to see you. I needed to clear things up with you. Crystal, I know you are angry and hurt but please throw all your bad thoughts away. You probably imagined the worst of the worse. I would think the same if you'd ignored me for two whole weeks, to be honest. But I couldn't think of anything else but you. Missing you, almost killed me inside, and not having contact with the woman I fell hard in love with, is very frustrating." The softness in his voice and words squeeze my heart. His hands are holding mine gently yet with strength.

We exit the tram and start walking to the gray cold building which is my home. The silence is so loud but none of us cut the tension to speak up. Only our steps are on the marble floor and his suitcase is echoing through the white hall which is leading us to my apartment. I halt in front of my entry. The key is already inside the lock but I hesitate to unlock my door. Too many things are unsaid but need to be said before I start my new chapter. A chapter I didn't plan on writing but someone is including me in his story.

The question is, what will be my role in his book? I'm curious because he's already the main character in mine.

"I hated the past two weeks and I wish I wouldn't feel so miserable but I do." My voice is quiet as I restrain myself from emotional outbursts. Taehyung's eyes sadden as he watches and listens to me. "All I could think of was you and I beat myself for it every day. I was wondering why I wasn't enough and if I had done anything to upset you but I couldn't find an answer but to blame myself for not fighting harder for your love. I'm not perfect, Tae. I just want to be finally enough for someone I care about." I gulp the lump which stooks in my throat while I pour my heart out.

The handsome man's glistening irises are locked on me with so much sadness. His hands reach for my face and cup my cheeks in between his soft and warm palms. Taehyung studies me, scanning carefully every inch of my face. The insects inside my tummy are going wild. I need to grab his wrists to realize this isn't another hopeless dream as the thousands I had about him.

"Don't you dare to think you're not enough, ever again! You. Are. More. Than. Enough. Crystal." His thumbs clean the droplets away which are rolling down my cheeks. I lose myself in his eyes while his words melt my soul. "You did nothing wrong. I was the one who was too dumb to realize what I feel for you and I could kick myself for that but better late than never, right?
I love you, Crystal!"

"I love you, Taehyung!"

an: please don't forget to vote⭐

Ready for fluffy chapters? I think you'll need the sexy fluff before we enter level 2 and the drama🤭.

I'm sorry for being late.
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