Hate you + love you
Cheat Codes

"You're like the definition of bittersweet
You're the poison and the remedy
Only addiction that I wanna keep, keep
Yeah, you push and you pull
And I'm indecisive."

"Bambi, you go first. I'll go after your lunch break." My boss, Jin, says a few mannequins farther away as we change the front window embellishment. It's already 1 pm and he knows I get grumpy when hungry. Considering that, he sends me first, usually, we would eat together but an employee called sick this morning and we couldn't find someone who'd replace the shift. Jin started to schedule his break times with me, out of the blue, but I like his companion. 

I casually give him a thumbs up before I excuse myself, walking into the office to grab my purse and phone which I had left in Seokjin's private office. Only I have access to this room beside Jin. I'm his right hand after all. We had a meeting this morning, to discuss the new themes for Christmas. Although it's still more than a month away we have to plan everything thoroughly.

My phone is the first thing I check, hoping to see a message from Taehyung but there's none. Hoseok picked him up this morning and my heart ached a little bit, knowing Tae won't be at my place when I arrive home tonight. The last days were perfect. I stopped denying myself the feelings I have for him. It wouldn't change either way but I feel lighter. 

Taehyung, however, was as sweet as always, almost too clingy at some point but I enjoyed his touches and all of his attention. I told him that I'm ok with us hooking up sometimes and he questioned if I can deal with my emotions. I told him I'm going to try but I want him with me rather than not seeing him at all. The devil must have ridden me to make such a dumb decision. I know it's not a good idea and I'm probably thinking with my pussy rather than my brain, this will bite me in the ass. But I'll take the risk of being heartbroken again. 

I must be some kind of masochist.

Yoongi would laugh at me if he knew what I am doing. This was exactly what I never wanted; just sex. And here I am, fucking my crush whenever I get the chance to fill my empty self. It's not just sex to me, but it is for Taehyung. What I am doing is completely wrong and I know it is. I'm obsessed with this handsome black-haired man. The damage I am doing to myself is sick and already undeniable. If Taehyung's not with me, I feel instant regret and anger against myself. And angry at him for being my weakness.

Thousands of tiny lights illuminate the big halls and stores decorated with red and silver shiny Christmas ornaments. The holy holidays are soon to come, the mood is everywhere. New York City is busier than it's already been. Watching people from my favorite spot at the flower cafe is one of my daily bases. This is how I found Jin Fashion with my sister a few months ago. Jin is still arranging the window with the shiny decorations and a tiny Christmas tree. He looks a bit tired.

"Is this seat taken?" A very familiar voice wakes me up from daydreaming. The person's eyes disappear from his bright smile and my heart skips a tiny beat at his sweet features. I shake my head slowly in response. The blond male takes the seat in front of me with an iced americano in his palms. He doesn't say anything for a moment, his stare is flirty yet gentle. I am too surprised to vocalize my thoughts.

"Should I be flattered or scared of your gaze?" The male chuckles with a deep groan. "I saw you from the other side and thought a hello wouldn't hurt."

"Ah, it's ok. I'm just a bit surprised. However, are you well, Jimin?" My words sound robotic as my nervousness awakens.

Jimin starts laughing and places his face into the palms of his hands, hiding his adorable smile. "Crystal, why are you so cute? Aish. If I make you uncomfortable_"

"No. No, it's not that. I just don't know what you think about me and that confuses me." I scratch the back of my head while staring at my plate of food.

"Do you want to know what I think about you? Is that important to you?" He tilts his head searching for my face but I hide it. "To be honest, I don't know you and that's upsetting. I know Ruby but not Crystal which is my fault. And I really want to know you! You make me curious, Crystal."

I didn't expect his confession and it's taking me off guard as I look into his, already waiting, eyes. There's no joke or untruth in his soft gaze. He is genuine, a side I never saw in him and it makes me feel weird in some kind of ways. I remember there was a short time when I thought to befriend him but his behavior killed my interest. Jimin is a handsome man with a very unique aura surrounding him.

"I don't know what to say. So, you're not interested in Ruby, right?"

"Well, not entirely but I'm more curious about you as a person. Maybe we can start as friends? And see where it takes us." Soft music is playing in the background when I realize I was just staring at him for a minute or more. Dark irises are waiting patiently for any reactions from me but when he gets none. His plump lips curl up into a grin but his eyes sadden. "Is that too much to ask for?"

"No, I think it's ok to be friends. It's just I'm seeing someone." I don't know why I have to tell him but something inside urged me to.

"You're not in a relationship, right!?" He asks while sipping on his cold drink.

"It's not like that, no." A slight pain in my chest arises as Taehyung's face appears in my mind. The part of me who still hopes he'd fall in love with me as much as I am. Am I reading his signs all wrong? Maybe he treats all women the same. Taehyung is a womanizer.

Jimin is sweeter than I thought. The difference between the man I met and this handsome guy in front of me is huge, yet alone in the way he talks to me with the brightest smile on his face causing his eyes to disappear. His voice is gentle but he's a good listener as well. Whenever I say something I feel heard. Jimin's family runs a consulting agency, and he has a new client in this building that's why he came here.

It's fun talking to him but there's a weird feeling in my stomach. I can't decipher what it is. It's like I'm cheating but I remind myself that I'm not Taehyung's girlfriend. Jimin walks me to Jin's Fashion as my break is almost over.

"Call me tonight, if you want." His words come out straight and I chuckle at his confidence. "I will be waiting, I mean it."

"Ok, I'll send you a message," I say before turning around and waving goodbye. Just when I enter the store I hear a voice calling for Jimin. Cold sweat creates goosebumps along my spine at the sound of his voice. The horrific morning when I woke up on him while I was not able to move any muscles in my body. I slowly turn back around to confirm my guts. It's him, Jeon Jungkook.

"Yah, Jiminssi,  I was looking everywhere for you. What the hell, why're you here?" The tattooed man swings an arm around his blonde-haired friend and knocks jokingly against his head.

"You brat, stop it!" Jimin argues and pushes the black-haired man away. "Kook, yah, it's ok. Back off." His eyes meet mine again causing Jungkook to follow his friends' gaze. A blemish smirk on the Devil's face occurs when he notices my presence. My body is stiff, caused by his dark spell. Quick and short breathing creates my head to spin. I'm hyperventilating. Jungkook is triggering my anxiety. "Crystal, are you ok?" Jimin tries to approach me but Jungkook grabs him and whispers something into the slightly smaller blond man.

From worry to confusion, Jimin's face changes in a snap of a second before his eyes lock mine with a questioning look. But before he can say anything I feel a hand on my shoulders. Without seeing the person I already know who's behind me, he is one of the rare humans who can calm me in an instant and give me a safe place.

"Bambi, is everything ok?" Jin's heavenly voice is comforting, and I nod in response.

"Wow, Pocahontas, you're very popular with guys." Jungkook mocks in my direction. As soon as he spits, he gets an elbow from Jimin in his ribs. The blond man however gives me a weak smile, says goodbye, and tugs his friend away. A thought crosses my mind and I'm not sure if I like it. Could it be, if Jimin is friends with Jungkook, does it mean Taehyung is also friends with him?

What if Taehyung knows Jimin? That's in the past anyways but why am I uncomfortable on the inside? Does this make me a bad person? I slept with both and Jungkook tried to get into my pants. This trio is poisonous if they're friends. I should keep my distance yet the question is why? I didn't play them or anything but why does it feel like I did something wrong?

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