Hailee Steinfeld
Starving

"I didn't know that I was starving till I tasted you. Don't need no butterflies when you give me the whole damn zoo
By the way, right away, you do things to my body"

"Hey Jin, it's me, Crystal."

"Oh, good morning Bambi."

"Morning, Jin, I'm not feeling too 
well today. Can I stay at home?"

"Honey, of course.You sound a bit…sad.
Do I have to worry about you? Whom
do I have to kill? I'm ready to fight!"

Oh God, this man is so sweet though. I know that I have his back anytime and it calms my nerves to know that he, my boss and friend, is always able to read between the lines. Just the sound of my voice is enough for him to know that I'm not fine. 

"It's ok I'm fine, thank you 
for understanding."

"Do you need anything, 
should I visit you?"

"There's no need but really, 
thank you, Jin!"

"Anything for you, Bambi.
Don't hesitate to call me
if you need a companion!"

The silence is usually something I really enjoy but right now, it's too quiet. Turning on a random playlist, I listen to the music and snuggle into the warm blanket and grab the soft pillow Tae was sleeping on. A song plays and it takes me back to the night when I went to the club after I broke up with Yoongi.
'The weekend's, earned it' is one of my favorite songs to listen to but it also reminds me of Jimin. We danced to this song very sensually. The fact that I was so turned on just by his scent and the deepness in his groan without even knowing what he looked like, is still fascinating.

I embrace the pillow tight to cover my face, scolding myself for why I'm thinking about that night. Tae's scent hits me and I calm down. His manly wooden musk aroma is arousing me but it reminds me also of Jimin's fragrance he had that night.
But wait, Jimin's scent was sweet when we sat at the bar and it was also sweet when I met him at Naomi's place.

Whatever! I must've smelled another man's perfume.

Now that I think of Tae, I recall the last night and the things he did for me. Just the thought of him with his soulful and deep voice makes me all tingly in my stomach that I kick little holes in the air. I feel like a teenager who's thinking about their crush. I'm starting to fall for him or maybe I already fell for Tae.

Am I moving too fast? But I feel a connection with him and I hope I read his emotions right. The way he looks at me with so much care and adoration. His every touch is electric yet very gentle and well-chosen. To top all that, we're calling or writing messages every day. Am I wrong and just being de lulu? 

Just when I think about him I get a message from Taehyung. The butterflies in my tummy are going crazy just by reading his name on my phone. I feel my cheeks burning but I try to shake it off.

Hey, beautiful Panda, are you alright? Call me if you're awake. Waiting for your call!

I roll left and right with my whole body on the soft mattress as the euphoric tickling feeling increases double in my belly, these insects are going wild now. As I wait for him to pick up the phone, my hands get all sweaty, and my body temperature rises in excitement.

"You're awake?" 

His voice sounds deeper on call but I'm still surprised by what it does to me.

"Yes, since you left me.
It's cold without you next to me"

Tae chuckles at my statement and he just sounds so damn sexy. What's wrong with me? I will probably get my period soon. Always horny and hungry a week before the due day.

"Believe me if I had the chance I would've stayed in bed with you. Cuddling, kissing and so much more."

"Stop it!'' 

I hide under the blanket as if someone caught me doing something forbidden while the male on the other side of the phone is laughing at my reaction.

"Ok ok, I'll stop. Would be bad if I'd walked with a hardened dick through the day. Especially when I'm mostly working with men."

"Maybe they'd like it,
you never know!"

"Maybe. There is something I forgot to mention earlier. Listen, don't stress yourself if I tell you this ok?!"

"Ok, can't promise that.
I'll decide after you tell me.

A long sigh is audible as Tae halts for a moment and I get nervous as the seconds pass.

"Crissy, I found a minicam in your living room. JK must have put it there. Listen, please don't watch it. It'll trigger you. If you want you can watch it when I'm with you. But not when you're alone."

"Did you…?"

"Oh God, no, don't worry. I would never watch something so private without permission. It's your body and you were the one who was getting abused. I don't have the right to observe what's recorded."

Silence. None of us is speaking as this topic is still sensitive. I listen to his breathing to calm down. What would have happened if the wrong person took the recordings? Actually, I am very glad Tae found it.

"Panda, are you ok?"

"I think I'm fine."

"You can sue him, you know, right?"

"Yes, I know…"

"Promise me you won't watch it alone, please!

"Are you worried?"

"I am. It will damage you and I want to be with you to catch you from falling. I don't want you to suffer alone and lonely in the dark. Let me be with you!"

The air feels heavy after we end our call. I can't believe that bastard recorded all his disgusting acts on me. What did he want to do with this tape? Jungkook is a devil in person and I hope I don't have to see him again. Walking to the minicam on the coffee table I remember the promise I gave to Tae, not to watch it alone. He has a point, I would be devastated if I'd watch it. Painful memories would become conscious and I'm not ready for all that.

I spend the whole day chilling on the couch and watching TV shows that I'm not really into. It's to distract me from thinking about the past night and in general about the negative sides of my life. Also, the thought that Jungkook filmed us is tingling under my fingernails to watch it but it's better if I won't ever see it. Alone the horrible experience is enough to deal with.

Tae is checking on me almost every hour, with short messages he lets me know that he's thinking of me and he made clear to me that he's worried about my mental health. I think he just wants to prevent me from watching the recordings. What if I wouldn't write him back? Would he rush over to my place and check on me? I don't think so.

While I scroll through my contacts on my phone I recognize Naomi's number. She hasn't sent me any messages since yesterday although she was online a few minutes ago. Does she not care how I am? Even if she thinks I seduced Jungkook, shouldn't she be dying to know what the hell I was thinking or be mad at me and start a fight? Instead, I get the silent treatment.

I'd lie If I say it doesn't hurt but after all, I've been through I build a wall to protect myself. This shows I was right to do so. It's not hard to act like a happy girl and they're buying it but not Taehyung or Jin. It's worse with Taehyung, it seems like he reads me in an instant and without a warning so that I could close myself, though I don't think that'll work.

Knowing I have to work with Naomi tomorrow, I wash up, and just when I put my panda pajamas on, the doorbell rings. I freeze at the sudden noise, it's almost 1 am. Who could that be? I watch through the loophole to discover someone with a cap on. Chills run down my spine.

"Who are you?" I yell with a more aggressive sound than I usually would ask.

The person knocks three times.
"Open the door, it's me!"

It's a familiar sound and images in my mind start to play, confused about why this person is here at this hour! But regardless of all that I open the entry.

"Why are you here?"