4:40 AM I was still asleep until my mom's phone rang

My cousin called and my mom put it on speaker

'She's dead'

My grandmother was dead

After the call she cried. I thought

'I understand, just cry'

I still pretended to be asleep but then my mom woke me up and told me the news

I didn't cry. 

Not a single pang of sadness.

I couldn't feel anything. 

Maybe because I'm one of the people who ties the family emotions together

I don't know. I'm terrified that I can't feel. 

Maybe it's because we never got along? 

Or I really just can't?