The sound of droplets falling in my empty mug fills the room, nothing else is to hear, not my breathing not the way my heart breaks a little by every beat it pounds, it's quiet and cold.

The room which was filled with love, happiness and warmth lost the atmosphere in every corner. Everything paled away day by day and I didn't realise it.

Is it too late to fight for him?
Is there still hope for me and Yoongi to fix our relationship?

It's always the same, here I am waiting for my mug of coffee to be done. My thoughts still linger on the action from hours ago, me and Yoongi having sex in the dark. As dark, the room was as gloomy was our act.

Loveless and unsatisfying.

The fire and passion we had are gone. The seductive biting and nibbling on my nipples and breasts, or his teasing fingers around my sensitive parts, the
lovely words he'd say while he cherishes and kisses every part of my body, none of these were existing in the last few times when we did it.

Still, I want to feel him. This is the only way I feel his warmth, his body, his heart doesn't belong to me anymore but whenever I have sex with him I imagine to be important to him as if I'm the only person in his life if he would only look at me and no other women if I'd be everything he has.

I'm dumb!

It's stupid to think that because I know the truth yet I don't want to see it. And this moment is my punishment, right now when I'm waiting for my coffee my tears pour nonstop down my cheeks moisturising my dark shirt, I bite my lips keep them hostage in between my teeth to suppress the sobbing sound to appear, Yoongi shouldn't hear me.

The feeling inside of me is tearing me apart and nothing than loneliness fills my body. Disgusting, yes, that's what I think about myself. I'm disgusted by the things I'm still doing with him and there is always regret at the end.

I can't break the spell he bewitched me with. I'm too weak I don't want to be alone.

~•~

"Crystal, where is my favourite jeans? The black one, you know?" Yoongis sleepy and deep voice sounds out of our bedroom.

I take his black ripped jeans out of the dryer to bring it to the man I still love.
"I washed it yesterday."

Yoongi stands only with his boxer shorts on, his back facing me. The urge to back hug him is overwhelming, to touch his muscular physique and suck the warmth of him to heat my cold body rules my mind. In no matter of time, I wrap my arms around his abdomen and pull him as close as possible to erase the gap between him and me.

My ear press against his back, the sound of his heartbeat is clear and loud, his chest is well built now, from the hours he spent in the gym. The scent of his shampoo tingles in my nostrils, I inhale the familiar fragrance which I seriously love.

I want this for an eternity.
Only You and me.
Yoongi and Crystal.

"Cris, what's wrong with you? Why are you so clingy all of a sudden?" Yoongi holds my hand and turns around to face me. Wrinkles between his eyes arise and his gaze speaks the confusion out I am perceiving from his questions.

"What do you mean? Is it not allowed for me to hug the man I love?"

"Of course it is, but I'm not used you being like this."

His action surprises me, strong arms tug my whole body against him. And it's the first time, after a period that he's looking at me.

How I missed his dark orbs, the intensity he is glaring at me, the lust in his shimmering black eyes. The evil grin on his lips, I know this too well, it's the sign of him being horny. His face comes closer to mine, so close that I inhale his exhales. The tip of his tongue moisturises the curve of my upper lips, splitting my lips to enter my mouth. A slight taste of his warm and demanding tongue is what I'm welcome with.

"Just say, you want me to fuck you! Say you want my dick in your dirty little pussy!"

Wild and passionate kissing, hands everywhere on our bodies, everything feels right and good yet so incorrect my heart blurs the truth away and allows only the pleasure Yoongi is giving me to think of.

Wait, Crystal, speak out what you want!!!
My mind is arguing with my heart. I'm already used to this since the day I found out about the other girls.

"Yoongi, babe, let's spend the day together. I want to go out_"

"Anything you want, baby"

The happiness inside of me is rising and jumps up and down from the euphoric feeling he gives me with that sentence.

Maybe he still loves me?
Maybe he still cares for me?

Yoongi is manipulating and he knows I'm trapped in every word and promises he makes.

I believe there is hope for us!

After a long time not being pleasured like this, my whole body acts sensitive and is ready for him, I'm always ready.

Every part where he touches gives me goosebumps and I shiver in ecstasy. I need his hands and kisses I'm craving for all of what he gives me right now and I take it all gladly in, to memorise this special moment of us being one.

"Baby, you're so fucking sensitive. Did you miss me that much, hmm?"

"Yoongi, I_"

With a hard thrust, he finally gives me what I waited for. It's different. I can tell he is with his mind and body with me. At this very moment, I'm Yoongis priority.

"Ahh, fuck, you feel so good, baby."

I enjoy this loving act with him. His eyes never leave me, he makes sure to kiss me whenever I need to be kissed, he touches me on the right places I want him to touch. Yoongi knows exactly what I prefer and yearn for.

The room is filled with skin on skin slapping and a few spanks, which he enjoys my reaction to that so much. Moans and groans echo through the tiny apartment.

Being one with him is an incredible feeling. My emotions are all over the place, I don't know how to control them. Happiness, pleasure, satisfaction and sadness are all mix together and it makes me cry out loud.

His pace gets sloppier and he growls in exhaustion before he reaches his climax. Sweat drops on my face as Yoongi kisses me with his eyes gazing softly at me.

"Yoongi, I love you."

The man I love and adore so much says nothing he stands up from our bed takes his clothes and leave the room closing the door behind him.

In an instant, the numbness awaken in me and paralyze my body. My mind is blank and I cover myself under the blankets to hide the ugly truth I don't want to face.

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Thank you for reading
I hope you enjoyed.

This will be a rollercoaster I'm warning you. Maybe this will annoy you but sometimes when we're in love we chose the wrong way and close our eyes from the truth.

Love you🐼