"Where are you?“

Frustrating and anxiety started to boil up inside of me. I try to reach my boyfriend on the phone but zero response nor message to my thousands of calls and SMS.

The feeling of being helpless and alone eats me up, I can’t do this anymore, I don’t want to feel like this. The pain in my chest hurts so much that I’m not able to breathe properly. My throat is sore and dry from crying my eyes out, tears running down my face and it won’t stop easily.

I'm holding my phone tight between my palms, still hoping for an reply, my mind knows he won’t answer but my heart wants to believe in him. My heart trusts and loves this man.

I’m sick of this!

I’m sick of worrying about him, waiting for him not knowing where and with whom he is. I need to talk to him. This relationship can’t go further as the way, it is now.

Everything started five months back. His best friend Kai broke up with his girlfriend and of course, my boyfriend Yoongi consoled him and stood by his side most of the time. Kai stayed with us for two months but since he found himself a new apartment, Yoongi changed.

My boyfriend started to go to the gym for his fitness and took more care of his appearance which he never did the whole relationship long. It's not, I didn’t like it but I'm confused about why everything changed abruptly.

Clubbing is now one of his favorites. Yoongi wasn’t the one who enjoyed crowded rooms and loud music, he was more the quiet one who appreciated being at home watching movies or playing games.

I miss my Yoongi.

I crave for the time when we were together at home and enjoyed each others existing. Snuggling in his arms and feeling save in his embrace. The kisses he would give me on the top of my head by every chance he fetched. His unexpected back hugs when I didn’t show any attention to him.

All these little things made me happy and nothing is present anymore.

I feel empty.

Scrolling through our pictures of the last one and half a year loving relationship doesn’t erase the sting inside my heart, no, it’s horrible the feeling of losing him, of leaving Yoongi is dreadful.

At my surprise, I hear the key unlocking the entrance, in a breath of seconds I jump up to see if it’s the one I’m waiting for the whole night. My heart speeds its pace, knocking against my rib cage. Breathing is overlooked by my lungs as I see the man entering our apartment.

His head dangles down, no eye to eye communication. The man scratches the back of his neck and let’s a deep breathy growl out as he takes off his shoes dropping them onto the ground without putting them on their right place in the cupboard.

He walks past me by not caring to say anything. Not a hello or still up at this hour, NOTHING. ZERO. NADA.

“Yoongi where were you? Why didn’t you answer your phone?” Still standing in the tiny dark foyer not able to move any muscles on my body I ask him desperate for an answer which could calm my anxiety.

“Out with Kai!” The man I love states with a cold tone, his back facing me. He stops his steps and we both are quiet in the darkness.

I feel my heartbeat in my throat trying hard to swallow my tears. I don’t want to cry in front of him anymore. It was too much and frequent these past weeks, he saw me sobbing like an infant almost every day.

All the things I wanted to confront him with, are erased from my mind I can’t think of any sentences I’ve formulated and thought about what I wanted to say hours ago when I was on the edge of breaking down and falling apart.

My damn heart is satisfied with his presence next to me. All the anger flew away in no matter of seconds. Yoongi has power over me no matter how upset and angry I am, he always manages only by standing there to forget myself.

And I fucking hate it!

The moment I start breathing again, my arms back hugs the man I’m obsessed with. Tight and as close as possible to my body, I want to feel his warmth, I want to smell his manly fragrance but instead of that I sniff alcohol mixed with cigarettes.

It doesn’t matter.

“I was worried because of you.” A loving whisper escapes my mouth as my hands move to his chest, cherishing the soft fabric of his shirt feeling his trained body below.

Faster as a blink, the man I admire and love turns around, pinning me against the wall and presses his weight on to my body, leaving no gap between us behind.

His breath reeks of alcohol but I gladly inhale the scent of him, all of Yoongi.

Needy for his touch on my body I let him do what he wants to. There is no passionate kissing or loving phrases for me. I'm used to it since it's like this a few weeks now.

Still, I need him, I need the feeling of being a benefit in anyways, and this is the only way I feel useful to him.

I'm dumb.

Yoongi lifts my leg, holding me on place by squeezing my thighs. I watch his every move hoping to get a glimpse of his stunning coal-black eyes. His eyes tells so much if he allows me to gaze at him but there Is no way I could see them.

With one swipe he slides my underwear aside, entering me raw and starts to thrusts in and out of me. The feeling of him being inside of me completes me.

He's not making love to me, it's sex and nothing more.

Right at this moment, I feel a connection between us and this short act is enough for me to forget the issues we have.

To forget that he Is cheating on me.

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