⚠️WARNING⚠️
This chapter contains very sensetive and traumatic scenes as sexual assault and child abbuse! Please consider this as a warning, dont read if your not ready. Skip this chapter.

Dad.

Father.

Papa.

Abeoji.

Baba.

Tatay.

This great and important phrase is mostly one of the first words an infant says as they start speaking.

A father is someone you trust and count on the most, no matter what arises in your life. He is someone who protects you and helps you whenever you need to be saved. The love of a father is big and to describe with nothing else in this world. Arms always open to bury yourself in whenever you need a console or to charge your energy.

It used to be like this for me.

I remember the day when he started his sins as if it was yesterday.

He raised me and gave me a home and a family. It must've been hard to raise four kids on his own for all these years. I'm not his biological daughter but he always made sure to show me that I'm no different from his children, my half-siblings, our mother is the same.

I never had a feeling that I'm not welcomed in his house, in our home.
He had a smile on his face whenever I saw him. He worked hard and didn't go anywhere with us but for us kids, it didn't matter because we were happy on our ranch. We always played outside, we had many places to play.

Climbing on our favourite tree, which was big it had many thick branches where we could sit save and comfortably. Riding the bike was an everyday ritual, watched tv when the weather wasn't sunny or we were too lazy to go out.

My childhood was a happy one.

Until that day when he used my trust for his crimes.

When I was young I wished for a mother who cares for us and would watch over her children.

I never had a good relationship with my mother. She was never by my side when I needed her. Til to this days I don't know her, I don't know who she is. She is there but she is a stranger to me, we never had the chance to know each other deeply.

She suddenly disappeared from our screen when I was eight years old and appeared year's later when I was fourteen. She found herself another man and created her own family, again.

My father struggled all the years when she wasn't with us and when she appeared with another man and their baby it got worse. Of course, it would. He loved her, he never showed her but I know he did love her so much.

My mother wanted to see us every weekend but only two because her apartment was tiny and she couldn't handle four-plus her baby at once. So we switched every week.

And the misery started.

I remember the day clearly.
It was my fault that he started his awful doings.

That night was the first time I was alone in my room, I shared a room with my sister but she wasn't there, she was at our mother's place, and it was new to have the whole room just for me. It was empty and silent.

My youngest brother used to sleep in my father's bed and that night I didn't want to be alone and joined them in the middle of the darkness.

It was warm and I liked the familiar fragrance which lingered in his room. The scent of safety and comfort.

At first, when he hugged me I didn't think of anything bad, there was no reason, a father is allowed to embrace his children, but when his hands graced my skin and touched parts of my body where usually no one reached except myself, I felt uncomfortable and irritated by his actions.

I pretended to be asleep, I didn't know why but I was embarrassed for allowing him to do this stuff to me.

It's dumb to think like that. I should've said anything back then but I couldn't I just couldn't! My body was paralyzed and I was terrified.

I still remember his uneven breathing next to my ear. The gentle yet disgusting touch on my private areas. It's tattooed in my mind in my soul and my whole being.

Everything changed after that, I couldn't look at him and I stopped talking to him freely. I felt ashamed and I didn't know what he did to me, I was a child! I was fourteen years old, a teenager who played with her barbies and watched animes like Sailor Moon and Digimon.

But the most horrible fact was when he came to me the next morning, and said you're growing into a woman.
He knew I was awake and aware of what he was doing. But why didn't he stop?

I felt dirty and started to hide my changing body in big clothes to prevent him from seeing my physique. I wished, that night was a mistake he made and won't do it again.

I prayed.
I begged my mother to take my sister and me together at the weekends but she didn't want my brothers together, they fought a lot and she couldn't handle them both.

If I had told her about what my father did to me, would've she saved me?

But I never told her. I prayed to God and pleaded the angels to rescue me, but my prayers weren't heard.

He came to me when I was alone in my room. All this time I expected him to do nastier things and take my innocence, but he never did.

My luck?!

Whenever he left my room, I started to clean my whole body with wet tissues especially the parts he caressed the most. I wanted to scrub his fingerprints away, delete the part where his lips kissed me. I rubbed my skin until it got red or was it blood that painted the tissues ruby?

I wanted to be sterile, but instead, I was disgusting and ugly.

Now when I think about it, why did he do that to me? Was it because he was lonely and desperate? Did I remind him of her, my mother? Why didn't I say NO? I didn't want anything of that what he did!

I hide it well from every one, no one ever had an impression of my father could've touched me inappropriately. And that's what I wanted, I was scared of how people would react.

So I stayed quiet for almost four years and let him do what he wanted to do until he started to want more and went further. If I didn't escape to my mother the next day he would've done what I was always afraid of.

He would've taken my virginity!

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I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. I know it's a heavy one.

This will be my last upload before I'll take a long break.

I'm so thankful for you to read my work. I hope you'll still be there when I come back.

I'll miss you.

I love you ❤🐼🌸