Rain is pouring, hitting thousands of droplets against the window, it makes a very comfortable sound, it's calming. I like it when it's raining outside.

In the quiet and peaceful streets, no one is outside talking or screaming, as if the world stops spinning as long as heaven moisturizes every corner of New York City. Cleaning all the dirt from the streets away.

My warm blankets keep me warm and cozy, making it hard for me to open my eyes from waking up fully. My hand reaches behind my body, searching for my boyfriend but unfortunately taps an empty place.

That forces me to open my eyes to confirm the spot is indeed blank, Yoongi is not here.

I get up but when I feel the soreness of my body I go back to the comfy mattress and sit on the edge of my bed to prepare myself again.

Mixed emotions going wild inside of me, I'm happy yet confused about the happenings yesterday. Yoongi always manages to make me forget about our fight, with having sex.

I can't handle the manipulation when he touches my body and kisses me as if I'm the only one in this world, he is still the man I'm in love with.

He is my weakness.

Now I'm scared to face him, terrified of finding out that he's playing with me. I'm still not sure what to think about his confession, even if he said it's a long time ago but the horrific suspicions are still here.

It makes no sense why he acted differently for a few months although it's years back when he cheated on me, that's what he said. The uncomfortable feeling is still present, it could be my jealousy but I can't shake the thoughts off, that Yoongi could have lied to me. 

Something's not right.

My nose leads me to the kitchen, the smell of pancakes welcoming me with the man I love baking them in my yellow Winnie the Pooh apron.

"Good morning honey bear, are you hungry?" My boyfriend asks me and puts the delicious-looking breakfast on the table when he smiles at me as sweet as the syrup.

He approaches and takes my hand, leading me to my chair, and when I think that he wants me to sit down, I'm startled by a tight embrace.

Yoongi holds me to his chest hearing almost his heartbeats, he snuggles his face on my neck making me squeal at the tickling feeling. I try to break free from his embrace but he pulls me back and locks his eyes with mine.

That's unfair, his adoration for me is painted in his coal orbs, the same look he used to look at me. I missed this, and since yesterday it's back.
I feel kind of bad for doubting his love for me.

"You look, lovely babe, I forgot how sweet your shy face could be." He says in a very carrying and smooth tone and places a little kiss on my lips. "Let's have breakfast together." Yoongi leads me to my chair and I sit down, feeling the heat on my cheeks.

Here it goes again, my damn heart is beating fast and pushing against my ribcage as if it tries to jump out of my body to cover the man in front of me with all the devotion and love I carry for him.

Why can't I think straight when he's looking at me like this? I swear, stop going crazy or the man I love will notice the pounding on my chest.

•••

As we clean the dishes together his phone starts to vibrate in his pocket. His hand pulls it out and without looking to the screen he declines the call and goes back to the plates on the counter.

Who called him?
Why didn't he pick the call? 

There it is again, his phone is vibrating but he doesn't react to answer the phone, Yoongi continues to dry the dishes.

" Why don't you answer your phone?" Curiosity is taking over me when I ask him without thinking about the results.

The man I love smiles softly in my direction and shrugs his shoulders as he focuses again on the damn plates and glasses.

I'm upset and confused. He always answers the phone when we're at home, but why, suddenly he's ignoring the calls? There must be a reason, or this man is hiding a secret.

"Just answer the call, Yoongi!" The man in front of me freezes at my sudden pressure when I reach for his phone in his pocket. "You always take your calls when you're at home, why not now?" 

My body heat rises, feeling the anger building up inside of my chest. Could it be that my suspicions are right and he lied to me?

Dying to know who the caller is, I try to pull his phone out.Yoongi stops me from going further, he grips my wrist with a furrow on his face.

"Why are you that eager to know who it is?" He asks me through gritted teeth.

"Because you're hiding something from me."

"Cris, don't start again, we had this discussion already_"

"NO, we didn't! I have many more questions to ask you. It makes no sense, everything makes NO fucking sense Yoongi. Now pick that fucking phone of yours and answer the call!! In front of me!"

The fury inside me is audible in my voice but it works, my boyfriend takes his phone out and answers the call. My attention is to 100 percent on the man picking up the phone

"Hello...Hey Kai...Hey sorry, bro, but I won't go tonight. I'm staying at home. Cris is not well...Have fun, see you, bro."

Yoongi's eyes are stuck on me as he speaks while I watch him and try to hear if it's Kai on the other side of the call. The person on the other side of the call has a deep manly voice. It's him, Kai.

My heartbeat lowers and my tense body calms down from the roller coaster ride. I take a seat, afraid to collapse to the floor when I feel my legs struggling to carry me straight up.

Tears stream down my face, relief takes over me after realizing, it was Kai who called the man I love. Everything is too much and it could cut me into thousands of pieces. I'm emotionally unstable, unable to handle any bad news regarding my boyfriend.

Yoongi kneels in front of me, his thumbs wipe my tears away while his hands hold my face and our eyes meet, he looks worried. 

"Babe, what's wrong?"

"I_ it's just, I thought you're hiding something and a girl would be on the phone and..." 

"Don't you trust me anymore?"

"Yoongi, I want to but you need to understand me too. You've been acting weird for a couple of months now. Please be honest with me." Tears flow nonstop down my cheeks, the man I love watches me with much care in his expressions, he doesn't move his warm palms off my face. "Did you really cheat just once?"

"Babe I told you the truth. And I'm sorry for hurting you so badly but it was just once, after that accident I regretted it. I love you and only you!"

He rests his head on my knees, the air of a heavy sigh tickles my bare skin. Yoongi looks defeated in this posture.

"Please don't leave me, Cris. Don't break up." It sounds muffled but I could hear him. 

"I don't want that either. I love you but I don't have the feeling that you love me! You're barely at home, we don't spend much time together anymore. Yoongi you're cold and sometimes I ask myself, who are you? Where is the man I fell in love with?" 

My shoulders feel lighter when the man in front of me moves his hand away from my face and grabs instead my hands. A confident stare meets my still tearing eyes and he surprises me with the sentences he says, causing my heart to skip a beat and turn my stomach upside down.

"Cris, I promise you I'll show you how much you mean to me. I love you, I'll always do. Just give me another chance babe." 

"Yoongi, I_"

"Will you marry me, Crystal Miller?"

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