Jim had taken a long nap around thirteen hundred and had woken with a great deal of energy. He felt much more settled than he had done since his rescue and he was almost cheerful on his way to sickbay for his check in with Bones.

"Dammit all to hell."

Jim did not like the sound of Bones' tone as he walked into sickbay, Spock a few feet behind him. He was feeling much more with it now and it was McCoy who looked like he needed a week's sleep.

"Care to enlighten us?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant, even though he wasn't feeling it at all anymore.

The apologetic look that crossed Bones' face told him just about all he needed to know.

"You can't reverse it, can you?" he said, not waiting for his friend to reply.

"Not without a ninety percent chance of killing you," Bones told him and he considered that risk for a moment. "I won't do it."

That rather stopped his pondering; sometimes he thought Bones could read his mind.

"But..."

"First do no harm," Bones said firmly and Jim realised he had lost the argument.

He wasn't sure what to say.

"I won't stop looking," Bones said, patting him on the arm and looking him in the eye.

Jim glanced at Spock and then the two Sonarians just entering the room. He sat down on the nearest biobed and took a deep breath, finally accepting that there was no way out.

"How do you recommend we proceed, Doctor?" Spock asked in his usual reasonable tone.

"This isn't my area," Bones replied and then looked at Allen and Lambert. "I suggest we ask the experts."

Allen looked vaguely apologetic, but thoroughly unsurprised, something which annoyed Jim for no reason other than the timing. The Sonarians had been nothing but helpful, but their presence underlined his whole problem which made Jim feel insecure and on edge.

"Well, it would be best if the captain and Mr Spock have some time alone to come to terms with what is between them," Allen said. "Newly bonded pairs are usually left to solidify their connection for a couple of days at least."

It was all said in such a sensible manner that it rubbed Jim completely the wrong way.

"I don't have time to just disappear," he said in a very pointed tone; "I have a ship to run."

"Jim, stop being an ass," Bones said.

"Am I going to have seizures if I'm away from Spock anymore?" Jim asked bluntly, ignoring his best friend.

"From the way you're reacting this morning," Allen replied, "no; it's unlikely."

Jim stood up.

"Then there's nothing actually wrong with me except for a sudden obsession with my first officer, is there?" he demanded.

"Captain," Spock tried to put in a word.

"Is there?" Jim growled at Bones.

"Technically," Bones said, "no..."

"Then we can fit this in around what I'm actually supposed to be doing," he responded, even though he knew he was being unreasonable.

"Captain, while I salute your dedication ..." Allen started to say.

"No," he interrupted, "I don't care what you are going to say. I'm a star ship captain, dammit, and I'm going to do my job."

"Enough," Bones was loud as he brought the discussion to a halt. "If you had let me finish, Captain," his friend said testily, "there was a 'but' coming. It is my job to maintain the mental as well as physical health of the crew when a medical condition is affecting a person's state of mind. In my opinion, Captain, you should do whatever the sparkly little guy tells you to."

"But I'm physically fine."

"You're going through hormonal changes that would knock over an elephant," Bones countered.

"I'm going back to work."

"Do not make me put in the medical log that you're emotionally unstable and unfit for duty. Take the days, Jim."

Bones had given him some ultimatums in his time, but never like that. It gave Jim no choice and he glared at everyone in the room in total betrayal. He was not going to let this beat him and the sympathy in Lambert's eyes was just too much. Wrapping what dignity he had left around himself he strode towards the doors.

"Captain," Spock called after him, but he ignored it.

Jim realised how completely stupid it had been for him to storm out the moment the door to his quarters closed behind him and he sagged a little. At least he hadn't collapsed as soon as he was out of sight of Spock, but he could feel the instinct to go and find his first officer clawing away at his insides. Pure stubbornness stopped him acting on it.

He turned wearily as the door chimed a few seconds later and he touched the button to open it. Finding only Lambert on his doorstep, he was a little surprised.

"Hi," Lambert said with a sympathetic smile.

"Come in," Jim said and just turned away, sitting down on the bed and trying to figure out just how his life became so screwed up.

"Kris is helping Spock sort out a few things," Lambert said, stepping in before the door closed, "I thought you might like to talk."

It seemed to Jim that everyone had done nothing but talk over the last two days and he shrugged non-commitally. He hated feeling so out of control.

"Take a seat, Protector Lambert," he offered, feeling somewhat stupid about his previous outburst.

"Thanks, but first things first, call me Adam. I know it's hard, but I can help, I promise."

Jim nodded; now he had calmed down he could see that. He just really hated being forced into situations.

"Jim," he reciprocated.

"It's not about being forced to obey," Adam said, sitting down next to him and somehow managing to pick the major issue he had with the whole situation, "it's about wanting to make him happy."

"He's been a pain in my ass since the day I met him, I don't want to make him happy."

Adam gave him a small smile for that; it did sound pretty childish.

"You trust him, and you're attracted to him," Adam said and sounded perfectly sure of himself, "if you weren't the bond would never have taken. You'd been forced into a desperate state, but you weren't in the most extreme stage. Something in you wanted Spock."

"Not something I was conscious of," he admitted with a sigh.

He was so fed up of being angry and confused that he finally gave in, just a little bit.

"How do you prepare for something like this?"

"Mostly you don't."

"But surely you did?"

"I didn't know," was the answer that surprised him completely.

He had assumed in a society like the Sonarian one that they would have had a system, it seemed he had assumed wrong.

"There is a simple genetic test to tell if someone is a submissive," Adam told him, "but very few people take it. There's no way of telling when a submissive's heat will happen, it's not like puberty, and most of us don't want to live worrying about it. There are programs for those who want to find out and get ready, but usually it just happens."

At least he could understand that reasoning; he couldn't imagine living with the knowledge that one day you were going to be at the mercy of some random person.

"How did it happen with you?" he asked, knowing that he was probably stepping over a line, but needing to know.

"I was living with another man," Adam said with a wistful little smile, "and we thought we were very much in love. Then one day I didn't really feel like having sex anymore. We were a really active couple if you know what I mean?"

Jim nodded; he knew exactly what Adam meant.

"It happened slowly for me," Adam explained, "over a couple of weeks, but eventually I didn't just not want to have sex, I couldn't. When he touched me it felt all wrong. I was twenty two and I thought I suddenly hated sex; it was my mom who realised what was happening."

It sounded thoroughly traumatising to Jim.

"What did you do?"

"Once I knew, it was easier; we're geared up to deal with the whole thing. I registered my status, had a tearful goodbye with Brad where he told me he would always love me, and then went walk about."

"You just followed your nose?"

"Exactly. I had no idea where I was going, but something kept me moving. It didn't get weird until I had almost found Kris. He was organising some event or other, I don't even remember what, I was so distracted. The only thing I remember clearly is seeing him for the first time; it was like I had been hit over the head or something. It was as if I was listening to the most beautiful song ever composed. I think I walked right up to him and just stood there staring like an idiot."

Given how Jim remembered Spock being about the only thing in his world that had made any sense for a while, he could sympathise.

"How did he know you weren't just some wacko?"

"He felt the pull. It's not just you who is feeling things, trust me, even if Spock isn't showing it."

That made him feel a little better.

"He touched me and the next thing I remember is waking up curled up with him in the nearest medical facility. We had our own room and they left us alone for two days while we got to know each other and explored. It was the strangest time of my life, but Kris is everything I ever needed and didn't know."

"But he can control you." It was the point Jim kept coming back to.

"Anyone can control you if you let them."

Philosophical discussions were not what he was after.

"It's a little more real than that," he said, feeling annoyed again.

"Do you give in to every instinct you have? If you want to hit someone, do you just do it?"

Jim frowned.

"Once upon a time I did," he admitted, "but then I joined Starfleet."

"Something else gave you a reason to control yourself," Adam said in a very sagely manner. "Once you have adjusted it will be the same with your mate. Kris can make me do things, but only because I let him."

"But why do you let him?"

"Because I want to."

He didn't get that, he really didn't.

"Would you believe I was an exclusive top?"

That was actually very easy to accept.

"You look the part."

"I could never give up the control, not until Kris," Adam said and Jim was very aware just how private this information was. "I haven't changed that much. I still top a lot of the time and Kris loves to bottom, it's one of the reasons we match so well, but I can give up that control now. In the bedroom I will submit to Kris in a heartbeat, I don't even think about it, but sometimes that means throwing him on the bed and screwing him until he can't even walk. I love to give him exactly what he wants."

Adam was being blatantly honest, and Jim finally realised what the man was trying to tell him.

"What about in everyday life?" He had to understand.

"Part of me wants him to tell me exactly what to do all the time. Most of me is just who I was before. You have to find the balance and reassert who you are while integrating the part that is new. It takes time, but it can be done."

So far Jim had been pushing away that new part; he didn't like it, he didn't want it and it made him feel weak. Adam was telling him that wasn't true.

"How?"

"Accept it."

He looked Adam directly in the eye then.

"Embrace it."

He really wasn't sure he could do that.

"Enjoy it."

"I'm not sure that's possible," he said, and he honestly believed it.

"You'll never know unless you try."

He was not usually afraid of new things, but then usually he was in control. For two days he had been running away from the inevitable, but it slowly began to dawn on him that if he actually started participating, he might at least be able to fool himself into believing he wasn't completely at the mercy of his hormones.

"Is Spock okay?" he found himself asking as he finally let his instincts get the better of him.

"He seems to be," Adam told him and gave him a supportive smile; "his logical approach to everything appears to be helping."

"None of this is logical," Jim countered.

"No," Adam admitted and placed a gentle hand on his arm, "but it can be amazing, I promise. If you accept what has happened, you may find you do not want to go back, even if Dr McCoy eventually finds the answer."

Jim snorted derision at that.

"I wish I could explain to you how Kris makes me feel," Adam said.

The mental image of Adam sitting on the floor looking up at Kris flashed through his head, that smile had so much more than words. Jim didn't think it would ever be that way for him though; he was not made that way.

"What comes next?" he asked, needing something else to think about.

"Usually sex," Adam said, totally unselfconscious about the whole subject.

Jim groaned and put his head in his hands; he should have known that.

"Just tell me I'm not going to go running naked through the halls trying to find my pointy eared love god."

Adam laughed and squeezed his arm.

"As long as you don't try and ignore it too long."

Jim wasn't quite sure if Adam was being serious or not.

"I cannot believe this is my life."

"Don't tell me you would say no to sex," Adam said in a very unsympathetic manner, "I heard about your reputation from several members of your crew."

For about half a second Jim considered being scandalised, but decided it wasn't worth the effort. Having sex with Spock did not scare him in the slightest, having sex and not being able to control himself, that was the issue.