Jim was just pulling on his dress uniform for what he expected to be his last day as a Starfleet captain when red alert sounded. He barely hesitated, merely sending a glance at Nyota where she was coming out of the bathroom, and then he was out of the door and jogging towards the turbo lift. Ignoring the fact that his jacket was hanging open, he set his sights on the bridge and then hit the comm panel.

"Kirk to the Bridge," he said efficiently, "report."

"Station security have found a device attached to Deep Space 5's secondary reactor," Spock's even voice came back all but instantly. "We are awaiting details."

"I'll be there in twenty seconds," he replied and then shut down the connection.

As he walked onto the bridge everyone was at their stations, including Spock who was in his dress uniform just like Jim. His lover had left their quarters early that morning to catch up on some of the work they had missed because of their situation. Now Jim was beginning to wish he had asked Spock to stay in bed for possibly their last morning together as things were.

"The device appears to be Romulan," Spock reported immediately, "and is turning the reactor into an explosive mechanism. It is protected by what appears to be a new style neutrino energy field."

A chill went down Jim's spine.

"They are requesting engineering assistance and evacuation of personnel," Spock finished the report.

Of course they were requesting assistance, neutrino fields were cutting edge and Jim knew of only a few people in Starfleet who knew anything about them. Two of them happened to be on his ship.

"I would like to remind the Captain that I have studied neutrino fields extensively," Spock said.

"Yes, Spock, I know," he snapped back, that was his dilemma.

He was torn. He knew what he should do, it was obvious, but he was loathed to send Spock into such danger. For a moment he was frozen in indecision as his conflicting thoughts fought with each other. He could send Philips, the woman was qualified to do the job, but Spock was far superior with his Vulcan intellect. This was exactly why Starfleet wanted to relieve him of command. In the end all he could focus on was what Spock had said in the hearing; his bondmate did believe in the needs of the many and he knew exactly what Spock would say. He also knew his duty.

"Mr Spock, head the away team, take whomever you deem necessary," he said succinctly. "Mr Scott, I want full power to the transporters, get as many people over here as you can, but be ready to switch to shields if we need it."

"Aye, Captain," came back instantly and Spock was already on the way to the door.

"Just make sure you come back, Spock," he said, unable to help himself as his lover and first officer walked into the turbo lift.

Spock simply nodded once and that was it. Jim shared a glance with Nyota as she slipped into her duty station and then turned back to the situation at hand.

"Mr Checkov, I want immediate updates if anything over there changes," he said and tried to keep his mind on the job rather than the danger Spock was in.

A terrorist attack this far into Federation space was not completely unheard of, but it had to have been a huge risk for whoever had planted the device.

"Mr Sulu, plot us the fastest course out of here in case we need to leave in a hurry," he instructed. "Mr Rogers, find me anything unusual in the system, anything from space junk to an ion trail. If the perpetrators are still anywhere nearby, I want to know."

It was a long shot, but at least it gave him something to think about.

"Enterprise to Mr Spock," he said after ten minutes of looking for indications he was pretty sure weren't there.

"Spock here," came the reply.

"Anything to report?" he asked, more than a little relieved to hear Spock's voice.

"We have rendered one field safe, Captain," Spock told him, "and we are about to proceed into the reactor room."

"Be careful," he said, knowing he was just being a distraction now.

"Of course, Captain, Spock out."

As he looked down, he realised his fingers were going white on the arm rest of his chair and he made a conscious effort to release them. If he was ever going to retain his captaincy, he had to handle this situation perfectly, but right about then all he really wanted was Spock back beside him.

"Breathe," a gentle voice said from beside him and he twisted to find that Adam was standing just to his left.

He had noted when the two Sonarians walked onto his bridge, but he hadn't realised Adam was so close.

"I'm trying," he said with a tight smile.

Before Adam could give him any sage advice, the comm. system suddenly screamed and the lights dimmed, before coming back up to full brilliance.

"Report," he said, focusing completely back on the job at hand.

"That was," Checkov began to report and then stumbled over his words, "that was a neutrino explosion, Captain, Sir."

Jim did his best to not panic and hit the communicator button on the arm of his chair.

"Enterprise to Mr Spock," he said, hoping that he sounded steadier than he felt.

There was no response.

"Enterprise to Mr Spock," he repeated.

Again nothing.

"Enterprise to Mr Spock," he tried a third time.

"Enterprise, oh god, Enterprise, this is Ensign Avari," a crackling answer finally came back. "There was ... there was a booby trap. Mr Spock walked right into it. There's ... I don't know ... there's nothing left."

Jim felt like his heart was being ripped from his chest; he literally felt physical pain as he tried to process what he had just heard. The only way he managed to even make his mind react was to focus on the practical.

"And the bomb, Ensign?" he asked, voice distant in his ears.

"Still active, Sir," the young man's voice came back, stronger now as if reacting to his authority.

It was a nightmare, but he had to do his job.

"Philips," he just about managed to force through his lips, "report to transporter room 1. Medical, get a team down there now."

Spock was gone; he just couldn't deal with it. His mind shrieked in agony and he had to claw on to what was left of his sanity. There were other lives at stake; he could not abandon them.

"Mr Scott, report, how many people have we evacuated?" All he could do was focus on what he needed to do. He could crumple later.

"Two hundred and fifty nine so far, Captain," came the efficient response. "The interference is increasing; we're not going to be able to transport many more."

"Get as many as you can," he replied, ignoring the fact that his vision was trying to tunnel down as he struggled.

"Aye, Sir," Scott came back.

"Mr Checkov, do your best to counter the interference, you should be able to use the sensor array," he said, forcing his mind to operate on a purely logical level.

Spock would have been proud.

"Yes, Sir," Checkov replied.

'Dead', his mind screamed the word at him even as he refused to acknowledge it. He could feel Adam hovering very close to him, but he prayed the other man would not touch or speak to him, because he was pretty sure that would break him. If he held the thought away and concentrated on his duty, he might be able to get his crew and a large percentage of the station personnel to safety, if he didn't he knew he was finished.

He began to throw orders out left and right; anything to get the Enterprise through the crisis and his mind away from the reality trying to crush him.

"Philips to Enterprise," a message finally came through from the Ensign, but it was breaking up.

"Go ahead, Ensign," he replied, voice so calm it was probably terrifying his crew.

"Mr Spock had neutralised most of the defences, Sir," Phillips reported over the crackling connection, "we should be able to disarm the device in a few minutes. All ships will have to evacuate the area when we do."

"Understood, Ensign," he said; "let us know when you are ready. Until then we will continue the evacuation."

"Yes, Sir, Philips out."

It was almost over and that kind of terrified Jim. Once the danger to his ship and his people was gone, he had no idea what he would do. Standing, he waited for Philips to give them the go, but it never came.

The alarms all stopped at once and Jim was left standing there wondering what the hell was going on.

"Checkov, report," he demanded.

The vid screen went from a picture of the station to Admiral Pike and Jim's mind refused to catch up.

"This simulation is over," Pike said and Jim felt his thoughts trying to stall.

"Simulation?" he asked as his mind spiralled.

"After Mr Allen's report yesterday, we realised we could not test your situation with your knowledge, Captain," Pike said, smiling at him in a pleased manner, "so we set up this simulation overnight. Congratulations, on the results we have seen this enquiry is concluded and you have been cleared for duty. Keep up the good work."

"Yes, Admiral," he replied, more out of habit than anything else.

It was a simulation, a game. No one was dead. Spock was alive.

The screen switched back to the view of the station and Jim heard himself give a slightly hysterical laugh. The clamp on his heart released and it was all a bit too much. Totally unable to do anything about it, he simply passed out.