~*****~

"You better hurry up and beat it before the paramedics get here." Bobby told Sam and Dean as they entered in the kitchen where I had to catch my breath.

"What are you gonna tell them?" I asked softly.

"You think you guys invented lying the cops? I'll figure something out." Bobby said. I let out a heavy sigh and took a step towards Sam and Dean. Bobby grasped my bicep. "Here, take this. You might need it." Bobby said as he handed me The Book of Solomon.

"Thanks...." I muttered.

"You just go find your Dad. And when you do, you bring him around, would you? I won't even try to shoot him this time." Bobby retorted with a smirk. Sam and Dean returned the gesture before Dean grasped at my arm and started tugging me along. Sam stepped down the porch steps as Dean stopped me.

"Hey, uh... What happened back there?" Dean asked softly. I bit my lip and turned my head away. I gazed down at my palms and gazed at the small cut I had gotten from freaking out earlier.

"Its... kind of hard to explain... but... apparently, I can heal myself to some extent, and I can exorcise demons with one small issue...." Dean reeled back in shock as I lifted my hand and pressed my lips against the cut. The cut disappeared as I continued to speak. "When I exorcise a demon... I can see the memories the possessed witness. It's... horrible... it's frightening... Dean, I don't know what's going on, but I can't follow you after John... I just... I can't."

"Lottie, we can't do this without you." Dean urged as I started down the steps. "Lottie, I can't do this without you."

"I can't handle seeing someone reliving terrifying moments over and over again - I can't handle being mauled, or stabbed, or attacked by a friggin' reaper, Dean. I thought I could handle everything. I thought - that once I die, I die. But I just keep, coming, back!" I grit out and grip at my hair. "Dean - I'm turning into a monster!"

Dean tugged me into his arms and pressed his lips against mine. I pulled away and bit my lip from agitation. "Lottie,  you listen to me. You are not turning into anything. So you're a little freakish - but that doesn't make you evil. You're not killing anyone, hell, you may even be a little tougher to kill, but that doesn't mean you're a monster." Dean urged. Tears started to slip down my cheeks again. "You save a hell of a lot of people. You're not a monster. You're not."

"And if I am? What then?" I snap. "Who's going to take care of me if I suddenly go rogue?"

"I will. And if I die tryin'- well, then I'd die happy knowin' it was by the woman I love." My buried my face into the crook of his neck before trailing over to my old clunker truck. "You're ridin' with us, baby"

~*****~

After some time stewing in my own personal hell, the Impala finally pulled to a stop by train tracks somewhere outside of Jefferson City, Missouri. Dean hopped out and moved to the rear end of the Impala, and popped the trunk open. Sam followed slowly after him while I sat still. I gazed at my palms in horror for a few more minutes before stepping out of the car. I rubbed at the back of my head with a heavy sigh before tossing my phone into the backseat.

"You've been quiet." Sam commented as he flickered his gaze from the book to Dean and I.

Dean stayed silent for a moment before handing me my gun. "Just getting ready."

"He's gonna be fine, Dean." Sam reassured him. Dean stepped away from the car as Sam swung over to the trunk and started etching something over it. A small smile wrapped onto my lips. 'Devil's trap, huh? Clever...'

"Dude, what are you drawing on my car?!" Dean yelped as he came back over.

"It's called a Devil's Trap." Sam replied, not even bothering to look up. "Demon's can't get through it or inside it."

"So?" Dean asked, still sounding angry. I chuckled.

"It basically turns the trunk into a lockbox, Dean." I commented as Sam moved around to the other side.

"So?" Dean asked again.

"So- We have a place to hide the Colt while we go get Dad!" Sam explained like it was nothing.

"What are you talking about? We're bringing the Colt with us!" Dean argued.

"We can't, Dean. We've only got three bullets left. We can't just use them on any old demon, we've got to use them on THE demon." I retort.

"No, we have to save Dad, Lottie, okay? We're gonna need all the held we can get." Dean snapped.

"Dean, do you know how pissed John will be if we used all the bullets?" I protested. "Dean, he wouldn't want you to bring the gun!"

"I don't care, Lottie. I don't care what Dad wants, okay? And since when did you care what he wanted?" Dean growled.

"We want to kill this demon. You used to want that, too. Hell, I mean, you're the one who came and got me at school!" Sam snapped. Dean scoffed at the statement. "You're the one who dragged me back into this, Dean. I'm just trying to finish it!" There was a pause as Dean looked down.

"Well, you and Dad are a lot more alike than I thought, you know that? You both can't wait to sacrifice yourself for this thing. But you know what? I'm gonna be the one to bury you." Dean told him. I paused and bit my lip. "You're selfish, you know that? You don't care about anything but revenge."

"That's not true, Dean." Sam replied. "I want Dad back, but they are expecting us to bring this gun. They get the gun, they will kill us all. That Colt is our only leverage and you know it, Dean. We cannot bring that gun. We can't." Sam argued.

I placed a hand on Dean's arm and tried to soothe him enough to release the gun. He let out a heavy sigh. "Fine."

"I'm serious, Dean." Sam warned.

"I said fine, Sam." Dean shot back. He pulled the colt from his jacket and showed it to the two of us before tossing it into the trunk and slamming it closed. "You up to this?" Dean asked as he turned to me.

I let out a breath I had no idea I had been holding and nodded quickly. "Better be, otherwise it's gonna suck." I retort and tug a baseball cap onto my head.

We walked in silence for what seemed like hours before Dean spotted something. "Hey, hey!" He called, stopping Sam and I in our tracks. "Think I know what Meg meant by 'sunrise'."

I gazed out at the apartment building in the distance, with a big sign that read, 'Sunrise Apartments'. People were outside the building with their kids. "If these demons can possess people, they could've possessed almost anyone inside." I muttered softly.

"Yeah, and make anybody attack us." Sam added.

"And we can't kill them - a building full of human shields." Dean grumbled.

"They probably know what we look like too. And they could look like anybody." Dean cast a glance towards me as I wrapped my arms around my chest and sighed heavily.

"This sucks out loud." Dean agreed.

"Tell me about it. Alright, so, how the hell are we going to get in?" Sam asked.

"Maybe, pull the fire alarm? Get the civilians out?" I suggest sheepishly.

"Okay, but then the city responds in, what, seven minutes?" Sam questioned.

"Seven minutes exactly." Dean answered.

"Let's get to work." I heaved out with a sigh.

~*****~

Sam looped around the building to get inside as I grasped onto the alarm, and tugged it downwards. A shrill bell rung through the air, making the people in the vicinity look over in wonder. Sam started jogging down the stairs and crossed the street to get to us. "Now what?" I hum.

"Now, we wait." Dean replied with a shrug of his shoulders. Seven minutes later, on the dot, the fire department arrived. "Lottie, you distract them, we'll figure out a way in, okay?" I nodded and jogged towards the firemen.

"Hey! What's happening?! Is it a fire?!" I asked in a frantic tone.

"We're figuring that out right now, ma'am. Just stay back." The fireman responded softly and urged me to back away.

"I've-I've got this yorkie upstairs, and he pees when he's nervous-"

"Ma'am, you have to stay back!" I looked over my shoulders and gave Sam and Dean a brief nod. They looped around the back of the fire truck as I continued to babble to the firemen.

~*****~

Ironically, the smallest size uniform in the truck fit me like a glove. Duked out in fire gear, we made our way up the stairs and through the hallways. "I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up." Dean muttered.

"You never told me that." Sam said in surprise. Dean looked back at the two of us to reply, but the EMF in his hand went off. Dean looked at the door in front of him, and waved it in front of it. The EMF just about blew up.

I pushed passed the two and banged my fist against the door. "This is the fire department! We need you to evacuate!" I shouted. The door jiggled slightly as the locks started to unlock. Once it started to open up, I lifted my leg, and kicked it open. The woman on the other end shrieked in shock. I pulled on the hose attached to my gear and sprayed her down with the holy water. She screamed in pain as it singed her skin. Sam and Dean handled the man that had hidden behind the door and shoved him into the closet. I reached forward as the woman tried to scramble away and grabbed ahold of her hair and lugged her towards the closet. We shoved her in and closed off the closet. Dean then made a ring of salt around the door.

The pounding on the door stopped after Dean left the small semi circle. I heaved out a huff and started to strip from the gear. I moved towards the door that was slightly ajar and started to peer in. Dean glanced over my shoulder as I took in the sight before me. John lay on the bed - spread eagle, and restrained to the posts. "John?" I called softly, and ran to his side. There was no reply. I leaned down and listened carefully. "He's still breathing." I sigh softly. I started to shake him. "John, wake up! John!" I pulled my bowie out of my boot and went to cut his restraints.

"Wait, wait!" Sam stopped me. I gazed up at him in concern.

"Wait? Why?"

"He could be possessed for all we know." Sam pointed out.

"What, are you nuts?" Dean asked as he made a grab for my bowie.

"Dean, we've got to be sure." Sam told him, and removed a flask from his jacket. He handed it to me, and I carefully poured it over his face. The only reaction was John groaning, and rousing from his unconscious state.

"Lottie? Why are you splashing water on me?" John groaned.

"Dad are you okay?" Dean inquired.

"They've been drugging me. Where's the colt?" John questioned, his voice thick with exhaustion.

"It's safe." I answered softly and started cutting at his restraints.

"Thanks, Lottie..." John sighed as I released the pressure of the coarse rope. Sam and Dean helped their father up and slung his arms over their shoulders. I pulled out my shotgun and led the way. Out in the living room, the front door was kicked in. Two firemen stepped in. And their faces were rotted away.

"Go!" I shouted, and shoved them backwards. I fired off a round of rock salt before following after them. I grasped the salt from Dean and made a line in front of the door before slamming the door shut. Dean helped his father out onto the fire escape while Sam and I bounced back from the axe slamming into the door.

"Lottie, Sam! Let's go!" Dean called. We glanced at one another before following. We flew down the fire escape, and I held my breath and leapt from the second story. Dean let out a yelp of shock as I landed and pulled the ladder down. 

"Come on, come on!" I urged. John was first down. I swung his arm around my shoulders and started leading him down the alleyway. Just as Sam and Dean are about to follow, two figures jump out from behind the truck, and tackle Sam and myself. John let out a strangled gasp of pain as he was flung to the side. My throat burned as the persons hands clamped around my neck, and started to strangle. A faint ringing echoed in my head as I reached up, desperate to grasp onto his face to try and get him off. A faint gunshot rang out from down the alley as I shoved my leg between myself and the demon. I rushed forward and grasped his head in my hands. He let out a terrible scream as light flooded from his eyes, nose, and mouth. Blood oozed down his face after the light died down, and the smell of charred flesh filled my nose. Then, the memories started. It was like a marque. I watched myself kill an innocent man, all because he was possessed.

My entire body started to shake as I stared down at the horrifying remains in front of me. I hardly registered Dean looping his arms underneath my and lifting me up. I refused to tear my gaze from the sight. Soft sobs echoed through my head.

'I'm sorry....'

                     'Please, help me....'

                                                                'God - save me.'